Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

processing through dreams / family (bio, Topaz's, and the Wynnes), inadequacy, threat, menstruation

For the past three nights I've slept extra long and had lots of dreaming time -- part of me feels guilty at "wasting time" but I know that this is a thing I need. I process in dreams, and my usual 7-hours-per-night only allows for one or two dreams if I'm lucky. And I have such a lot to process. I'm coming out of the most painful time of my life and the metamorphosis that began last fall is coming to completion. (heh, I remember when I thought I had gone through my last exuviation! Silly young me) I didn't write much down from the dreams but I'll share some bits and pieces:

Topaz and I running from our friends who were zombies / crying over not being the photographer I want to be while everyone around me is making their dreams into reality / my bioparents moving my altar and taking the cover off of my windows / being in Alaska w Topaz and swimming in surprisingly warm water (with ice floes nearby!), above sharks, while menstruating / flying around a place that was partly the Wynnes' old neighborhood and was partly a tent city and partly a fenced-in military base / menstruating without a pad, feeling anxious about bleeding on my pants (I don't wear pants) / Topaz's grandmother & grandfather being best friends with Wynnes' grandmother & the three of them sitting together watching a film in a tiny house, me bursting in on them and feeling embarrassed but them smiling at me / talking to the Wynnes' old neighbor, thinking they were dead and crying before realizing that the neighbor was talking about someone else / babysitting and having forgotten basic things like putting the child's seat on the toilet before helping tiny child to go in the potty, also spilling things and making food wrong

A lot of family stuff, feeling inadequate (failing at BABYSITTING? what!?) and threatened, and menstruation. I am menstruating at the moment but I've never dreamed about it before... dreammoods.com says "To dream of menstruation indicates that you are releasing your pent-up tension and worry. It signals an end to the difficult times and the beginning of relaxation." Let's hope that's it. I wish I didn't have to deal with any family shit but at least my dream about Topaz' gparents was a positive one, as I've been feeling anxious that they don't respect/accept me as I am, that they won't welcome my intrusion into their space (Topaz' life). If I feel anxious about something in waking life and then have a positive dream about it, it's my subconscious telling me that my fear is unfounded.
Tags: biofamily, dreams, topaz, wynnes
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