Then today I went to the energy healing circle at Unity and had a profound experience. The first person who gave energy to me first hovered zir hands over me, then placed hands on my joints two at a time, making a kind of circle around my body, then massaged my shoulders (asking at the very beginning if all of that was okay). I was surprised about the idea of including massage, and feeling skeptical that it would be useful energetically, but it was the massage that sort of brought the rest together, and I felt really strong emotion while ze was rubbing my shoulders and neck. After that I felt an awareness of a energetic 'worm' in my left shoulder (which I removed later) and otherwise felt pretty glowy and relaxed. Then the second person cleansed my energy, which felt good, and through these two things I was thinking about what I needed, and how I needed to find people I connected with on a heart level, and remembering the dreams I'd been having about being rejected and disliked by everyone I cared about. When that person finished they asked to find out if I wanted anything else and I said no, because though I felt helped by this person I also felt as though they had a bit of a savior complex and I didn't want any further interaction. The last person came and sat in front of me and asked what I wanted. I mentioned the dreams and how I didn't understand them because I don't feel rejected/disliked by people in my waking life. Ze asked if I had asked myself what they meant, and I said sort of, mentally yes but energetically no, that I wasn't sure how to go about it. So ze sort of led me in a guided meditation where I brought the thought into a safe space and then asked myself what it was. I then remembered the end of the most recent rejection dream, where I was rejected by everyone and shrugged it off, went off by myself to dance naked alone, on wet grass under a night sky with a dark moon. I felt complete and happy. Then I realized sort of all at once that I was dreaming these things because I needed to feel comfortable with the possibility that people might dislike and/or reject me, and that I was realizing this because for the first time in many years that was a possibility with people whom I had to associate with (co-workers). I shared these things with this person, and then ze did energy work on me, mostly on my heart chakra, which was interesting to me because it is where I have been feeling need but I didn't tell zir that. After, I thanked zir, and then sat alone for a little bit.
Then I realized that all of the things that I'd been reflecting on had to do with fear, and that I did not want to let fear be a motivator in my life. Fear has been clouding up my motives and desires and preventing me from being fully myself. I thought of a good way for me to prevent that (at last). When faced with fear, I will ask myself what I would do if I had no fear. Then (as long as it doesn't put me in physical danger) I will do what I would do if I had no fear. I then acted on this immediately by giving my contact info to the third person, because I felt a connection with them and wanted to be friends.
