Belenen (belenen) wrote,

memory: the one time my parents encouraged me to be happy with myself as is

I had this intense realization the other day when I was reflecting on one of the rare memories I have from my childhood. I was in fourth grade and had been upset about having to wear glasses because I felt they made me look ugly (partly because my mom made me get the pink ones when I wanted the white ones with rainbow letters, fucking gender bullshit). I would often 'forget' them and then have to sit right up next to the board where, with squinting, I could make out what was written. So a few months in, my mom took me aside (I can even remember the lighting and the time of day, midafternoon in her bedroom with just a little window light) and told me a story. Ze told me that before I was born God made me and was like, "wait a minute, I made this kid too awesome with all this cleverness, it won't be fair and she'll get all proud. How can I help her be humble? I know, I'll give her bad eyesight." It was SO obvious and silly and I remember thinking that at the time, but I didn't say so, and afterward I wore my glasses every day. Looking back on that, I wondered, if I thought the story was bullshit why did it have the intended effect? and realized it was the ONLY time my parents had ever tried to make me feel better about myself as I was. EVER. They only commented on who I was and what I did when they were telling me to improve, except for that one moment. So I wore the glasses because I understood what ze wanted and appreciated the effort.
Tags: biofamily

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