November 2017
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don't tell suicidal people not to kill themselves, it's selfish/disrespectful. offer comfort instead


It makes me profoundly upset when I see people react to someone expressing suicidal thoughts by telling them not to do it. That is shockingly selfish and disrespectful -- a person's life belongs to them, not to you, no matter how much it might hurt you to lose them. If life is torture for them, how dare you tell them to keep enduring it just to prevent YOU from feeling pain? Ugh! Way to make them (me) feel more depressed about how inescapably selfish people are.

I say this as a person who has been deeply suicidal and has loved people who felt deeply suicidal. One of the people I love most in the world has dealt with a lot of depression and painful suffering due to it. I told zir that if ze had to do it, I would understand and I would forgive zir, but that I wanted the chance to say goodbye so if it ever came down to it, to please contact me first. Had that happened I would have cried, I would have asked if there was anything I could do, and if not, I would have said goodbye, and thanked them for all the good they did me and all the time they shared with me. I would not have told them what to do with their own life or demanded that they consider my feelings above their own. (I would be angry and hurt if they didn't give me a chance to say goodbye, but I would understand that it might have been too much to do that and they get my forgiveness and love no matter what)

Also, it's not fucking helpful to tell someone not to do it! Instead of making orders, ask questions! see if there is anything you can do, try to think up things to offer. Sometimes you can't help, other times little things like bringing someone a coffee or giving someone a long hug would be miraculously helpful, and you won't know if you don't offer, and most of the time I don't think a suicidal person is going to be able to come up with something that would make them feel better so think it up your own damn self.

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Comments
runhappee ══╣╠══
I couldn't agree with you more. A lot of times, when people are saying they want to kill themselves, they are crying for help. They want someone to care, to listen to them. They feel lost and hopeless. I've been there, on both sides, in fact.
smurfb1ue ══╣whoever saves one life saves the world╠══
In many ways, this seems more honoring to the person and their experience. I am always so enraged when people claim that suicide is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" because FALSE. It's not always a temporary problem. Often it is something a person has struggled with for years, something that they'll always struggled with. My cousin's wife committed suicide a little more than a year ago after struggling with mental illness her entire life. It hurt the people left behind after her death--of course it hurt because we love her--but it was a choice she made after living as long as she could. Thirty-three years was a good run. We have no right to ask anybody to make their life about us--to live for us.
tabloidscully ══╣╠══
I know I haven't commented before, but I do want to say how much I agree with this.
meri_sielu ══╣misty turkey vulture╠══
All of the agreement. <3
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Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.