December 2017
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prompt 10: how I show love and how I receive love


prompt from rmpenguino: How do you show your love for others? Does that influence how you receive love?

How I express love varies a lot. The ways that come easiest for me are ways that feel good to me, such as:
- showing curiosity about the person by urging them to share, asking questions, and taking in what they say.
- responding to their sharing with openness of my own (this is easier in writing, but I'm working on getting better in-person).
- giving unprompted, loving, present touch (with consent) that asks for nothing in return.
- initiating making plans to spend time with them.
- actually spending time with them.
- watching, noticing and expressing appreciation of their idiosyncrasies/uniqueness, such as their turn of phrase, or how they dress, or how they yawn, or how they laugh, their skills and talents, etc.
- taking photos of them: I often try to capture the aspects that I love so that I can show them and they can see a side of themselves they might not have seen otherwise. It's also just a way that says "I don't want to lose the memory of you" because without photos or writing I lose most memories.
- writing about them: the same "I want to remember you" sentiment, with some "I am proud to know you" also.
- creating/finding gifts that express "I know you and I care for you and I connect with you."
- acts of service: things that are difficult or unpleasant for me that will matter to the person, such as doing their dishes/laundry/etc, driving to see them, talking to them real-time without a planned conversation, making them food or coffee, or anything that doesn't come naturally to me but makes them feel loved. This one depends on how much energy I have to spare.

Does that influence how you receive love?
No, it's more that how I prefer to receive love is how I know to give love: if it's not something I would want, I have to work hard to understand it and get skill at giving it. I definitely want people to show me love in the ways that I show love, but I am willing (though not always able) to show love in ways that are not natural for me (see 'acts of service'). I can intellectually appreciate it when someone shows me love in a way that doesn't make me feel loved, but I can only feel meta-loved by it, like if you hear second-hand that someone said they love you; it is diluted.

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Comments
wildrose ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣selfportraiture╠══
I hope that it does, it doesn't usually get taken that way though, maybe I need to explain better or something. I always just hope that when they see them they'll understand -- and a few people have. My relationship with photography is something I need to write about.
bunnika ══╣╠══
A big one for me is honestly food. It gives me great joy to cook and bake for the people I love, and I'm so happy when people enjoy the food I've created for them. I always try to make something from scratch for people when I have the opportunity. It's something I appreciate in turn, but it honestly makes me happier to be the cook/baker than the recipient.
belenen ══╣kissy╠══
aww. Well you can make me food anytime! I only recently got into cooking -- I only like doing it as a joint effort or to share with lots of people. Topaz and I have delicious culinary adventures ;-)
bunnika ══╣bunny: nom nom╠══
Do you like chocolate cake? Because I have the best chocolate cake recipe in the entire world. :-)
belenen ══╣delectable╠══
I don't tend to like chocolate as a solo flavor -- I like it with a strong contrasting taste, like mint or peanut butter or coffee or ginger (ESPECIALLY GINGER) or cinnamon. And I like very dark chocolate.
bunnika ══╣bunny: nom nom╠══
It's the darkest dark chocolate ever. I've never tried ginger and chocolate together, though I love ginger, and ginger caramel is one of my favorite ice cream flavors. Maybe I could try it with something like this? It also lends itself very well to coffee, so that's a frosting flavor option, too.
rainbowfox9 ══╣╠══
I for one fucking love cooking. This is a relatively recent discovery, but I love it. Especially for others. I love mixing things, sometimes going on intuition, sometimes just trying things for the sake of trying -- I love watching things change before my eyes. I always feel matronly or magical when doing it, too, like the universe is centered on me for that time.

Damn, all these questions have ME thinking of what I would answer to them!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.