November 2017
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my gender and sex identities: genderfree and trans

My gender can be summed up in one word: No.

I identify as genderfree. What that means is that I don't want any gender on me; I don't want any of my behaviors, hobbies, attitudes, clothes, ANYTHING to be viewed through a gender lens. I know most people don't have the skill to put their gender lens down, so I accept that most people are just not going to understand me.

My sex identity is more complicated. I was assigned female at birth and I think most people would guess me to be female from my physical form, but I experience myself as intersex (note: I do not identify as intersex because I do not have the experiences of people with bodies which are physically intersex). When I have sex, it is sometimes with my vulva and sometimes with my cock* and sometimes with both, and I no longer desire to have sex with people who can't accept all my parts (including the non-physical and non-bodily ones). I don't think there even is a surgery that would create the external body to match my internal, and I'm wary of putting extra growth hormones into my body (the things called 'sex hormones' have many purposes in every body so 'sex hormone' is misleading and 'female/male hormones' is flat-out incorrect), so I do not think I will transition even if that were an option for me (and I'm pretty sure I'd be labeled as some flavor of 'crazy' and not allowed to form my own course of transition). Had I been born with testes, I would have them removed but I think that is all the transition I would do. I would wear much the same clothes that I do now, because I wear them for color and comfort not for gender/sex identity.

I usually describe myself as trans, because that explains that my gender and/or sex are different from my assignment, which is all that's really relevant to people I'm not having sex with.

I prefer gender-neutral pronouns (ze/zir/zirs or they/them/theirs or whatever you're used to) but for me (and this is unusual for trans people so don't take me as an example!) I want people to talk about me how they see me. I'd prefer for people to see me without gender, but if they see me as gendered I want to know. I do not get offended when people refer to me as 'she' but I feel most respected and seen when people refer to me in gender-neutral terms.

*I have an energetic/'spiritual' cock which I have sex with. I think being able to literally physically feel people touch my cock and penetrate people with it and orgasm with it makes it so that I don't feel such a need to transition as I might otherwise feel.

(this is a response to a prompt from Camellia)

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bunnika ══╣bunny: glasses╠══
I wrote a response to this, then decided I wasn't comfortable sharing it publicly. I posted it here, instead, because I'm perfectly happy to have a dialogue, just one where I control the audience, hah.
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
Just curious: Why would you have testes removed?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
because ew, gross. Also I don't want to deal with sperm.
miintikwa ══╣╠══
I respect your choices.

Oh, and I have an "energetic cock" too, so I totally grok that. I generally use physical ones, though, when I'm actively having sex with another person, just because I am very tactile and I like the feeling of a dildo-cock.

Still! You are one of the only other people I've seen who has that, too. So cool. :)
classical_wolf ══╣╠══
Thank you for writing such a moving and positive post which speaks to what makes you feel happiest and most whole! ♥
wildrose ══╣╠══
ravensong ══╣╠══
(Found you through the LJ_feedback comm and decided to explore~ :)

Omg I love this post!! I generally describe myself as genderqueer, but in my day to day life I don't ever think about my gender. I just am. I dress however I feel that day--not because I want to be perceived as any certain gender, but because I either like the color of the outfit or the comfort or whatever.

Also, I very much "get" your experience with your cock--I can relate a lot to that ;)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.