July 2018
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masturbation -- how often do you do it? what's fun for you? (poll and my answers)

Only I can see these answers and I won't tell anyone ;-)
Poll #1969031 masturbation

How often do you masturbate?

once a year or less
every few months
every few weeks
once a week
every other day
every day
multiple times a day

I masturbate about once every 1-4 months, usually to make menstrual cramps go away, occasionally to bring my period on faster. It's very rare that I masturbate for its own sake. The sensation of an orgasm is pleasant, but the actual masturbation is boring, and it only takes like 5 minutes so it doesn't feel worth the trouble. I find even ethical porn (that rare, rare creature) to be full of tropes I don't like (and I would need to go to the trouble of contacting the actors to ask their consent for me to get off using their image anyway), so that doesn't work for me. Thinking about my lover(s) makes me want to have sex with them, which makes me frustrated with the lack of connection in masturbation. (phone sex counts as sex, but if they are less than an hour away that is just frustrating too) I've tried using a mirror, which is better than nothing for connection but still not that interesting.

The only thing that reliably turns me on and makes masturbation fun is physical difficulty; using a vibrator while balancing on an exercise ball without touching anything, or while in a yoga pose (bound angle, cow face, camel, cat, chair), while standing, etc. I can go hands free because my thighs hold it in place very well. I guess it works for me because my body is an active participant so it gives me that sense of connection through a constant communication with my muscles.

connecting: ,

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classical_wolf ══╣╠══
Sometimes I masturbate once a week. Sometimes I masturbate once every few weeks. Sometimes Dan masturbates me (YKWIM).

He's really good with the g-spot, but I have teeny fingers. I love when he uses the Hitachi wand, or when I use my rabbit vibrator (clit part).

That all said, I find masturbating (by) myself to be very boring.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Someone else using hands (or toys) on me is DEFINITELY something I call sex; masturbation to me is when no one else is involved.
classical_wolf ══╣╠══
I hear you completely ♥
cheshire23 ══╣╠══
My answer is an "on average" with a pretty wide variance. Sometimes it helps with certain types of pain, but sometimes the position required for it to be effective is too painful of itself.
aliki ══╣╠══
I didn't vote in the poll because for now, the answer is "never", but that's not technically true because I'm currently breastfeeding.

When I am not breastfeeding, I masturbate every other day with my vibrator. It takes less than 20 seconds to orgasm, and I do it only to help me fall asleep right away. If not, I'm kind of restless when I go to bed, and if I don't fall asleep before my husband, he's a snorer and that makes it impossible for me to fall asleep. So I don't masturbate for sexual purposes, I suppose.

However, now that I'm breastfeeding, if I orgasm, I get a letdown (meaning the milk starts flowing) and that is messy and annoying-- so I don't do it anymore. not to mention now I dont get any sleep any way, so there's no point in having an orgasm to sleep, when the baby is going to wake me 90 minutes later.
bunnika ══╣╠══
hands_cupped ══╣╠══
For me it used to be like, every day or every other day, but my current medication makes it really difficult to achieve orgasm so a lot of time it's really not worth the effort. Especially if I don't currently have any partners, because then I just feel kind of sad and bored with masturbation. When I'm in some sort of relationship, I actually find masturbation a lot MORE fulfilling and worthwhile, because it's more like an outlet to explore my desires and learn about my body when I can't be with them. I usually think about my partner, so whatever I learn can improve sex with them too. When I don't have a partner it's simply satisfying a physical "need" and mehhhh it just doesn't seem as exciting or constructive.
wolfteaparty ══╣╠══
For me it really varies. It depends on how much sex I'm having. When I'm having less of it, it tends to be about once to twice a week.

During those years when I'd never had an orgasm and could not have one largely due to medication, I seem to remember masturbating less and less. I was getting frustrated, sad, and fed up--the anorgasmia was driving me crazier and crazier as the years went by. The whole thing was feeling more mechanical and like a chore. I had my first orgasm much later than most people, after I finally got off that horrible medication. After it finally happened, masturbation started happening quite a bit more often.
elven_ranger ══╣╠══
frankly when I feel like it.
Not actually being someone who is interested in sex its like scratching an itch so I can then not feel horny and go and do something else, lol.
raidingparty ══╣╠══
Used to be every day, sometimes more, but having someone else in the bed means I'm not whacking myself to sleep. Which might actually be one of several reasons I have a harder time getting to sleep now.

Ate porn millions of years ago, not any more; now it's all fantasizing. Oddly, I do still seek out explicit images every so often, but it's more out of curiosity than sexual stimulation (although sometimes what I find does end up...)
domestic bliss
raoin ══╣domestic bliss╠══
when i can get time to myself to touch myself without interruption, i like to take that time and do it. this works out to be around every other day now, but i can sympathize with one of your other posters who noted that she doesnt presently because she is breastfeeding. i never got a let down from orgasm, but they do say every woman responds differently. still, with a newborn in the picture, i basically had no time to myself except while in the shower and i was too dead on my feet to do anything but wash while i was in there. hence why i make a point to take that time now. still, i get plenty of 'interruptus' these days with a two year old. and i really like to emphasize, generally to myself, that this is something i do for me - amid a world where much of what i do is distinctly for other people.

mostly, i masturbate because my sex drive seems to require far more frequency than that of my husband and if i waited around for him to get involved, i'd be reduced to a frequency of maybe once every three or four months.

proclivity-wise, i prefer my porn in textual format and so when i am masturbating i'm usually telling myself some kind of story about what's 'actually' going on - 'self-insert' fiction, indeed.
a swamp a heart a struggle
midwinter ══╣a swamp a heart a struggle╠══
My desires and how I think about / relationship with sex has been changing pretty drastically over the past year and a half -- during which time I have not been sexually active, by my definition. I'm starting to work through CSA-related things and come to terms with my never-not-there discomfort with porn and lots of gender baggage, and consequently where I 'go' during masturbation is becoming v.different -- I used to always have fantasies that were essentially me being acted upon. Now that I don't want that to be my experience of sex anymore, masturbation is a more complicated thing. My mind has to be clear, I have to be truly engaged with it. So much of the time it's not worth it to me to start because it brings up too much of "Are you treating yourself well? Are you really here?" -- so I've been doing it much less frequently than I used to. I feel great about the shift in my thought process towards sex + intimacy, but it's shaking things up in my life and taking its time.

I've never heard anyone say before that they feel that they would need to get the consent of actors in porn before they got off, and that is almost relieving to hear! Because I feel so similarly. When I try to describe to friends my discomfort with porn, among many other things, the most basic thing for me is not knowing what's really going on in the heads of those people -- those real people, experiencing that moment. With a partner face to face you have the opportunity to ask what's going on. Not feeling like I have any idea what's happening for the actors involved makes me feel like I could be complicit in miserable things. And the thought of getting off to something bringing someone no pleasure revolts me. Because those people do feel, at some level, like they're becoming my partners... even though they're images flashing by.

Hope that was ok to type out.
bart_calendar ══╣╠══
I can't imagine not masturbating at least once a day. That said, that's probably mainly to do with the fact that I'm often paid to write erotica - which turns me on - and in between paid jobs I'm reading a ton of erotica to keep up on the trends, which also turns me on. Masturbating allows me to come down from that and focus on the actual writing or reading.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.