November 2017
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If I loved it as a kid I love it now: the world of tiny, reading, woods, talking, thinking


My idea of fun has changed very little since I was a kid. Even then, I cringed when watching movies where people crashed into things and made a huge mess, and a food fight never sounded like anything but a giant disgusting chore made by selfish brats. The idea of having a monkey as a pet would never have appealed to me because I wouldn't want to clean up after it.

What was fun to me was tiny magical toys, being in the woods, reading, talking, and thinking. I only had one fairy winkle as a child but have since used ebay to build a collection that I then spent upwards of 10 hours building a tree home for. Yes I still sometimes take them out in the woods to play. Trees are even more important to me now that I have learned more about them and become able to connect with them in a mutual way.And books? Even though I don't have unlimited time to read anymore, I have 500+ books now and I still carry a book almost everywhere I go. Talking is still a favorite: not chatting, mind you, but communicating a mutual sharing of meaningful thoughts. Like discussing relationship difficulties or the nature of reality or the possibilities that lie in what we do not know.

And thinking. I don't sink into it as deeply as I did as a kid because the fantasies about my own house and land and snow leopard now have become a little worn, and a little tinged with the sorrow of slim chance. But I am never bored if I can think. If I have to pay attention to something that prevents me thinking, I will nearly die of boredom, but otherwise, my mind is a playground.

I've heard many people express longing for a return to childlike wonder, for the freedom of childhood. I wasn't free as a child, and maybe that's why the things in which I found joy became so deeply a part of me. Or maybe I just experience less shame than most and can embrace these things as much as I ever did. Or maybe because I thought so much about how I was devalued for being a child, I determined that I would never see childish things as lesser, and kept my word to myself.

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Comments
keiwontia ══╣╠══
Oops. That was me :3
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
<3 thank you lovey.
bunnika ══╣bunny: on the path╠══
I relate so strongly to your last paragraph. The bits of happiness I had in my childhood, glancing as they may have been, hold such extreme value to me I think partly because of their scarcity. I also don't see why anyone should be ashamed of childlike glee or wonder, and I find great joy in embracing that energy regardless of age. It's also been a wonder to experience childhood through my own child, because I feel like I'm getting to enjoy all the things I missed out on.
belenen ══╣tree joy╠══
yes, wonder is so important <3 and sacred.
nocternacis ══╣╠══
I have always found solace being alone in the woods. It is the place to get away from everyone and everything. :)
belenen ══╣tree elder╠══
for me it is a going-to, not a going-away, because I don't feel alone in the woods. I feel more connected and interactive than I do at most other times.
bleodswean ══╣╠══
This was really lovely and introspective.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
thank you <3
left_harangue ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣tree consonance╠══
oh yes! most definitely! wonder is a human emotion. Adults often rid themselves of it so they can feel in control but they can certainly develop wonder.
kagomeshuko ══╣╠══
When I was a child, I loved reading. I still love reading today. Of course, if we didn't like reading, would we be doing LJ Idol?
belenen ══╣amused╠══
heh, true!
hardigrin ══╣╠══
This was lovely. I really like seeing these pieces of you laid out and seeing how long and how deeply they've been a part of you.

I spent most of my childhood reading, listening to books on tape, watching silly cartoons, wandering around outside, crafting, and telling myself stories.

The only part I've lost is the stories. I really, really miss them actually--it used to just be part of how I wandered around. (it made chores more fun, but also less effective because I was paying...maybe 30% of my attention to the actual task and the rest to the story of me as an overworked captive plotting my revenge against the bandits who had captured me and my family. Like ya do?)

Sometime around fourteen or fifteen though there was a horribly unfortunate confluence when 1)My taste in writing suddenly grew by bounds and I was able to appreciate much more subtle things and 2) I started trying to write down more fiction on purpose because I was trying to figure out What To Do With My Life (TM). It was all. Awful. And I haven't really been up to trying to come up with stories since. :/
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
<3 <3 <3 thank you!

Oh, I told myself endless stories too, and began writing a book at just a little after you (16, 17) and it also kinda killed my storytelling. I became too critical and just couldn't play.
kiwi ══╣╠══
my mind is a playground.

I love this statement. I'm the same way - I don't recall ever being bored in my life (my imagination is active and, occasionally, overwhelming) but I've never actually thought of it like that. :D
roina_arwen ══╣Mostly Harmless╠══
One is never too old to experience childlike wonder. And snow leopards are beautiful creatures!
mac_arthur_park ══╣╠══
This really resonated with me. Thank you.
halfshellvenus ══╣╠══
It seems as if you have found the beauty of childhood, even if later than most, and being able to hold onto it-- to value it and move deep inside it-- is a rare and wonderful thing!
eternal_ot ══╣╠══
It nice knowing about you..through this introspective piece..we do connect on reading, talking and thinking..:) *Hi Five* for that..<3
witches ══╣╠══
really enjoyed this!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.