January 2019
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Who speaks to my soul w their existence? 1st impressions? How do they inspire?

Prompt from Kei-Won-Tia: Who are the people in your life who speak to your soul with their existence and what was your first impression of them? What qualities in them inspire you to better yourself?

There are a lot of people in that first answer! I'll go chronologicallyish, name then first impression then qualities. Remember these are not characterizations just first impressions!

Allison. first impression: small, bouncy, happy, clever, creative. Ze inspires me to get in touch with my more expressive self, and be unabashedly enthusiastic.

Hannah. first impression: brilliant, careful, compassionate, silly, generous, yearning. Ze inspires me to ask prying questions, to seek a more blunt truthfulness, to embrace my tenderness (used to be very difficult as I prided myself on toughness).

SabR. first impression: fierce, wild, bold about beliefs, generous, welcoming, easily angry, confidently creative. Ze inspires me to put more of myself on the line with my art, to be bolder about sharing vulnerable beliefs, to be wild (like a leopard not like a spring breaker).

Aurilion. first impression: too interested in being seen as more evolved than the next to be really honest about anything, loving, seeking (I didn't connect w zir much at all until we met in person). Ze inspires me to believe in my intuition and to be open to possibilities.

Ashe. first impression: sweet, affectionate, loyal to an extreme (I got annoyed with a girl who was deliberately flirting with our crushes but ze was infuriated/outraged and I'm pretty sure hated that person from then on). Ze inspires me to believe in myself - I think ze was the first person to believe in me, which is a huge damn deal.

Anika. first impression: angry, open, curious, creative, clever. Ze inspires me to share more, to yield less, to grow and learn and be unafraid.

Viv. first impression: anxious, eager to explore, cuddly. Ze inspired me to explore my transness, undo my partnership, reconsider my whole life, take emotional risks with no security.

Vola. first impression: quiet, intense, very thoughtful and thorough, determined. Ze inspires me to think (through zir thoughtful sharing) and to be true to the more analytical, ethereal parts of me. This is kinda rare because people tend to like my sensual, affectionate side more.

Nea. first impression: impossibly kind, compassionate, nonjudgemental. I think Nea is still the most nonjudgemental person I've ever known. Ze inspires me in that way and also by being a person who doesn't share many words and yet is as open-hearted as can be. It makes me see more possibilities in people.

Laura. first impression: honest, creative, loving toward everyone but zirself. Ze died last year but continues to inspire me with zir hope in all things. I want to believe. I miss zir so much, I hate that ze's gone.

Angie. first impression: sweetest, gentlest person I've ever met (that initial impression is still true). Ze inspires me to remember that there are still kind people in the world, even when surrounded by cruelty, not everyone becomes cruel. Ze makes me believe in love.

Lisa. first impression: honest, cheerful, directionless. Ze inspires me because I've seen zir take ownership of zir life and unflinchingly examine where ze can change to bring about the life ze wants, and then just fuckin do it. (Not directionless, obv)

Firekat. first impression: opposite of me, adventurous, risk-taking. Ze inspires me to take risks! I've followed in zir footsteps in a lot of ways (not intentionally, but partly given courage by seeing Kat) and been the better for it.

Ben. first impression: argumentative, stubborn, smart, affectionate. Ben inspires me with zir desire to grow and learn. I almost never see this in someone who passes as a privilege-pinnacle person, and it gives me a little hope for the world.

Arizona. first impression: sharp-minded, open to any new idea, enjoying life, stable and secure in zirself. Ze inspires me to believe in my ability to sense magic. Ze was the first to affirm me in that way (we got together because I dreamed we kissed and then I asked zir out as an act of trusting my intuition).

Kylei. first impression: extremely emotional, creative, impulsive, open, affectionate. Ze inspires me to be more open, honor my feelings, follow my heart.

Heather. first impression: friendliest person ever, totally free and kind. Ze inspires me to share (because ze read my ENTIRE journal even the early parts and still liked me) and to see myself as a relatable person even though I get socially overwhelmed sometimes (if it can be true of the friendliest person ever, I must be relatable too).

Abby. first impression: nervous, creative, generous. Ze inspires me to treat emotions as a shared unfolding of knowledge, a collaborative project, and ze inspires me by sharing new knowledge.

Adi. first impression: bold, honest, unafraid. Ze believed in my goodness at a time when I felt everyone would judge me and it made me feel hope that I could be myself without going way out of my way to explain and still have people see me truly.

Topaz. first impression: capable of listening intently and engagingly, caring about social justice, fierce, free, unavailable, sexy as fuck. Ze inspires me to continue learning and attempting to educate others (because ze also self-educates and agrees and supports me) and to go after what I want (because ze believes in zirself and prioritizes zir needs so I feel I can too).

Camellia. first impression: no idea because it was so long ago and ze was just a kid. Ze inspires me to be welcoming, because ze makes me feel like that part of me is appreciated.

Kei-Won-Tia. first impression: distant, loving, self-deprecating, a bit lost. Ze inspires me to practice gratitude, build intentional connections, trust in people, share what I learn.

There are many others, really.

Also all of the good parents I know: Anika, Jess, Clare and spouse, Christine, Issa and Joshua, Mandy, Brian and Sarah, Ksej, others- people raising their children with love and creativity and understanding and freedom, giving them the chance to flourish instead of squashing them into a mold like most progenitors. I feel this very deeply and personally, as if in doing so they are giving me what I never had. It moves me to tears.

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bunnika ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
no, not any more, I think it was a product of your life at the time. When I first met you you were angry I think because you had never been treated with respect for any significant time in your life. I felt a lot of resonance with that anger; it was also mainly true for me, then. The second time we were friends your anger was so huge it scared me, I feel I understand it now but I didn't then. And nowadays you don't seem angry.
bunnika ══╣╠══
nocternacis ══╣╠══
That is a nice post. It's great to know how much impact ones friends have on life. :)
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
yes, I've had quite an amazing set of friends!
classical_wolf ══╣╠══
I love that you have so many positive things to say about so many people ♥
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
keiwontia ══╣╠══
This was really pleasant to read, Bel. :) I'm so glad for you that you have this many people who have or do inspire you.

I can feel the immense gratitude you have for the perspective on life that each of the people mentioned has shared with you. I think it's really lovely. It means a lot to me, too, that you took the time to think deeply about who moves you and how you are moved to inspiration and that you let me (us) get to know you and what you value, in this way. There's a great amount of vulnerability in talking about things that are important to us; thank you for sharing, for trusting, and for opening your heart to gratitude. </p>

Belenen, you are one of the people in my life who speaks to my soul and offers me inspirations. You have opened my eyes to a new world where human is the only quality we assume about a person. You showed me intersectional feminism, when I was so lost on how I should qualify my beliefs and you continuously inspire me to embrace them. You inspire me to embrace the parts of myself that desire deeper connections through sharing nakedly and asking thoroughly and to feel confident in what I have to offer the world. You inspire me to be vulnerable because you yourself granted me the ability to feel safe and vulnerable at the same time. Seeing your dedication to your cause and your advocacy for the things that you believe gives me confidence to do the same. I love you and I cherish you and our relationship. Thank you for choosing to love yourself and embrace your self. Your purity inspires me to do the same.

delicatexflower ══╣cartoon-me-love╠══

aw, james! i'm so touched by this! let me come back when i can explain my reaction better but this was so... emotional for the lack of better words.. to read. it really makes me feel touched, love and more touched. i really need to sit down and write what i thought about you <3
kiwi ══╣╠══
I love the process of looking at the people in one's life and thinking about how they inspire you. Acknowledging their presence and their gifts to you is such a beautiful thing. Thanks for sharing!
fayriekisses ══╣╠══
You are fortunate to have a strong connection with so many people! I have difficulty finding others I really connect with (mostly because I can be shy) ,and as I get older, the few I do have have been dwindling.
rextrocular ══╣╠══
I love this, thank you for sharing.
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
This was really good to read. Appreciating what friends bring into your life. I have felt that a few of my friends have been trying my patience, but after reading this I think I may have been focusing on qualities I don't like as much or don't get and making those things an indictment on our friendship when it really isn't that serious. Awww, I feel light and warm now. :D
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.