Today I felt tired emotionally and physically, and also a bit down. I can tell that summer is leaving- it's 72 outside :( I stayed overnight at Topaz' and didn't bring any contacts so I'm wearing glasses, which makes me feel disconnected from the world and sleepy, and I don't have my sunlight lamp and Topaz keeps zir house cold (I dislike air conditioning when it makes temps below 75) so it's setting off my SAD. Also my car is low on oil so I didn't want to go out and get coffee and the coffee I had this morning was inexplicably bad, so I'm not caffeined enough. I did good self-care though, took a nap, reflected on what might help and realized that if Topaz took me out (so I don't have to drive Hedwig while ze's low on oil) to get coffee and oil that would make me feel way better. Topaz liked that idea so we're doing it soon. I have been very worried that I was lapsing into depression, so my not-getting-swept-under by this cluster of downness makes me feel hopeful.

I was supposed to be trying a new medication, but apparently my psychiatrist forgot that I don't have insurance or riches, and one month would cost $550, so I laughed ruefully and left without it. I guess it's buproprion for me until I can get an outside psychiatrist who can prescribe real ADD meds. It helps some, so I'm glad to have that at least.

This week has been very emotionally intense and I hope to write about it soon. I feel very irritated with my lack of creation lately.