July 2018
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31


rules of engagement for my fb and lj: you are a guest not a resident.


icon: "passionate (the Benjamin Gate's symbol: a stylized gas mask inside a ring, both metal-looking, and all colored bright scarlet)"

My journal and my facebook wall are galleries of my thoughts. As the artist and curator I am NOT obligated to come talk to every viewer nor to listen to every response, and I'm certainly not obligated to allow others to put things up. You do not have a right to post your thoughts on my wall or your comments on my posts, because this is my space. Out of a desire to engage, I give initial permission which can and will be revoked if you don't respect my boundaries. If I say "don't comment about XYZ on this thread" or "stop bothering me about this," or "I am not interested in debating this" respect that and stop. I am willing to give you a warning, so 99.99% of the time I'm not going to get angry unless I said stop in that thread and you didn't do it. I think I have deleted a comment ONCE. I only do that when I specifically tell people to stop and they keep on. I like for people to share their thoughts and I like for future readers to have all the context.

If I don't want to 'debate', I still get to post on the internet. I don't have to pay for my expressions by publishing yours.

Defaults and near-defaults, there are spaces that are not for you. Live with it. Do what respectful people do when told not to invade someone's space with unwanted words: express them elsewhere. People who are used to getting their way and having their words treated with deference tend to think that they are owed that deference. And privileged folk also seem to think that they should be able to use other people's space. I have never had a person who was not near the privilege pinnacle complain about me not letting them use my space for their expression.

For me, no matter what a person said, I would obey the rules they set for their page. I see it as a consent issue. My sites are my virtual being, my cyber body, and if you can't obey my rules for it, you're not fucking welcome.

back to top

Comments
volamonster ══╣╠══
yes yes Yes YES!!

Wonderfully said.
basil_00 ══╣╠══
loud & clear.
raidingparty ══╣╠══
This is one of those points I feel the thumbs up would be helpful. I like it, but I don't really have anything to add. I guess we'll go back to the old school:

+1!
siduri ══╣╠══
Being on someone's Flist is akin to being a guest in their home. So, one should behave accordingly...
Last Unicorn
wolfteaparty ══╣Last Unicorn╠══
Very well said! I used to put up too long with boundary-pushing and nasty comments on my social media accounts, often from people I knew in person and had liked at one point. I then learned that it's okay to just delete people who make me uncomfortable.
squib
kehlen ══╣squib╠══
It makes me said that this still needs to be asserted.
bart_calendar ══╣╠══
Well said.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
I just want to hit the *like* button for this. semi-related: has fb ruined my ability to articulate what I like about a thing and why? #foodforthought
ohhhlife ══╣╠══
"If I don't want to 'debate', I still get to post on the internet. I don't have to pay for my expressions by publishing yours."

I agree SO MUCH. I have so many people who comment on my FB with political arguing and it stresses me the eff out. Just, NO. I very rarely argue on someone's page (if i do, it's usually because they're being extremely ___-ist and I just can't even, and usually I just say one thing and then unfollow or unfriend so I don't stay engaged in the argument. I haaaaaaaaaate it. No, I'm allowed to speak without having to deal with BS. My FB is more like my living room than a public forum. So be respectful and don't argue with someone who doesn't enjoy arguing. And I don't. It gives me legitimate anxiety attacks. Ugh. @__@
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.