I'm on a bus headed for D.C. I'm feeling a bit motion-sick, which is a recent development (before this December I never experienced it). I am not sure of this is just a bad thing, or if it is a negative symptom of a good thing. It would make sense to me that as I become more rooted to my place I become physically uncomfortable with travel. I'm okay with that, mild discomfort is more of a reminder of the meaning of what I am doing. I just hope it doesn't get more intense. I like that I am traveling during the calendar transition to the new year; earlier Kylei mentioned that and it suddenly felt very right.
I watched the documentary on Marina Abramovich and it fucking ripped my soul out. I was quite irritated with the voiceovers but seeing Marina's work, fuck, that is what I want to do. At one point they had a performance piece that was them sitting at a small table, silently, and making eye contact with whoever sat in front of them. Every day, 7.5 hours a day, for 3 months. I could feel that, so deeply, and I wanted to do that. I want to give that. I told this to Topaz, feeling sad about my lack of access to a space, and they said that I could do it at a burn. That is SO true and I yearn to do it. I have to figure out logistics but the next burn I go to, I will offer this. There are enough people seeking new experiences that I know I will at least get to do it with a few. I want the lengthy experience because I feel that my ability to sense things about people would grow exponentially, but it is also something I do not have the emotional or financial resources to do. So, a few hours a day for 3 days, will be my experience.
Also, the most sacred thing I can imagine, Marina had the support staff take photos of each person, and then Marina wrote notes under their photo, put it all in a book. When I saw that I felt like I had seen Godde. I cannot exaggerate how intense my reaction was. I don't think I have ever felt holiness like that in my life, nor any emotion that strong. I wanted to wash Marina's feet and kiss them. I wanted to thank them for this incredible gift to the universe. Even if there had been no documentation it would have been such a gift. And with the documentation (voiceover commentary notwithstanding) it can have more ripple effects. In the documentary the thing that affected me second most was seeing two children sitting and making eye contact, silently. I want to inspire people to create more intimacy on their own.
On this trip I brought "Plant Spirit Medicine" a book someone bought for me after seeing it on my amazon wishlist. Glancing at it in person, I realized the author was a default, and my heart sank. What appropriation and sexism will I find in this book? I thought. But then I happened upon a page referring to the spirit of Plantain (which I know grows nearby and has medicinal properties) and read that paragraph and decided to give it a shot. So far (35 pages in), it feels respectful. I hope to learn from it. I feel inspired to dream more deliberately again (something I used to do to avoid nightmares, or to feel things in my dream that I had no access to in waking life).