November 2017
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sad and alienated at Xenacon


icon: "disconnected (a gif of the two main characters from "Moonlight" on either side of a door, both looking distraught. underneath is the word "pain" in a handwriting font)"

I'm at Xenacon and should be happy, right? but I'm sad and I feel so adrift. Everyone keeps talking about how accepting people are here but I know how fuckin quickly that changes as soon as you point out a problem, or expose yourself to BE a problem by your very (non-binary) existence. I know this is being exaggerated by my exhaustion after an extremely stressful week, and my recent profound disappointment in realizing that what I had counted on in one of my friendships is just not there. I just feel so weary at the idea of investing even a little in new people - but at the same time I really want to. So, I end up in a state of frozen indecision, and feel sad about it. I am not being fully myself, because I just don't have the energy to be.

I'm so fuckin wiped out. About to go to sleep and hope this many hours bring me enough energy to be a little more outgoing. I'm not lookin for advice so please don't give me any.

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Comments
hardigrin ══╣╠══
*hugs*
tarakins42 ══╣╠══
Hugs!
volamonster ══╣descent of man╠══
Hugs from me if you want them. <3
delicatexflower ══╣destiny╠══

god, you sound a lot like me when i am emotionally, mentally and physically drained. :( *hugs* i am sorry. i would say make time for rest, but i'm sure if there was time to do so, you would. do you have any time coming up, even if it's 20 mins-30 mins when you aren't doing anything? instead of sleeping, i would suggest you and topaz to snuggle up and do some healing touching. <3

i couldn't see the read more part of your entry, i don't know if anyone else had this problem or is it just my computer? (the spoiler lj cut)
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
*hugs and love* I know that feeling. Of not fitting in when you were expecting to. It's the worst.
darkestgarden ══╣╠══
i'm sorry to hear that you're so drained, and i hope you can find some time and space to recharge soon.
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
I hope you ended up having a really good time!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.