March 2019
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fuck you perfection I'm taking action: sweeping, crafting, gardening, tidying / time w Kylei / jobs

icon: "exuviate (photo of a dragonfly with shimmery green wings after its last metamorphosis, standing next to its previous exoskeleton)"

frustrated with myself because I've been writing, but not posting because I get to the 99% done point and stall out. Gotta edit, reread, edit, reread, wait and see if I think of something else, ugh. And then I don't write little random posts like this one because I have such a better one and I want to post THAT instead. Whyyyyyy do I get so fixated on perfection? Why do I break my own ethic of taking imperfect action?

Though, I did a number of things today where I didn't let perfect be the murderer of actually-getting-shit-done. Instead of thoroughly sweeping the back porch & stairs and getting every little flake of leaf off, I just did a quick and dirty job -- first time in ages that that porch & stairs has been swept. The pile was more massive than me, no hyperbole. I also set up a rig (not fancy, but sturdy) so that I can hang fabric along the side where there aren't enough trees to block the neighbors, so that I can sit out there in nature without having to think about my terrible neighbors or ever suffer their gaze. I'm sure not all of them are awful, but at least some of them are. Last year someone(s) deliberately smashed my two glass globe solar lights that were my shimmering joy (I took a photo because it smacked of hate crime (my car makes it super obvious that I'm queer) and I wanted evidence in case something worse happened) and recently someone sent me a nasty note for not having a tidy yard (it's since been tidied, because that has been my intention for months but I haven't had the spare energy).

Also I planted my newest garden baby, a sweet orange pepper that Topaz gave me. I also have a sweet green pepper (poblano I think), a Mexican Sour Gherkin cucumber and another that I don't remember the name of, Ititarod Red Dwarf tomato and some kind of small green tomato, a purple tomatillo, and cinnamon basil. Topaz has some seedlings for me that I'll hopefully be able to add soon.

I swept more things and watered and did lots of tidying and dishes, went to lunch with Lily and Tasha (whose cat is living in my basement room right now because Tasha can't keep them where they live and can't move yet), and spent time with Kylei. They were exhausted like always after a burn so they came over, took a nap (I made them up a bed) and then a shower, and then we had dinner (on plates at a table because Kylei wanted a ritual dinner; I enjoyed it more than I thought I would). We lay on my bed and stared at my fairy lights, which I tried on a new setting, slow glow (they have 8 patterns for flashing/fading). It was utterly hypnotizing and beautiful; definitely my new favorite. I can't believe I hadn't tried it before. When it went to red especially I felt like I was being bathed in healing. (I'll try to remember to get a video though I have no idea how I'd describe it!) We cuddled a little and Kylei told me about their burn experience. We hung out for a few hours and then Kylei went to bed but couldn't sleep, so I gave them melatonin and silent hair pets for a little while until they seemed almost asleep. I haven't heard them up and about since so I think it worked but now I'm afraid to go pee because I don't wanna wake them up *awkwardface*

I have two prospective jobs, one where I am 99.99% sure I have the job (waiting on paperwork) and another with an interview scheduled for tomorrow. I reeeeeeally want the one I'm interviewing for. It's an absolute dream.

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slinkslowdown ══╣╠══
Sending good vibes, re: the job[s]. :)
ecosopher ══╣╠══
Good luck with the job! I hope you get the one you want.

I have a problem where I don't post for ages, and then post and have so much to say it overwhelms me. Or I post, and people respond and then I'm overwhelmed by the responses and it takes me days to get back to them. Sigh.
sex and the city; writing
rockingthemike ══╣sex and the city; writing╠══
i feel your pain when it comes to writing. i had planned to write six short stories as a writing challenge to myself this year. we're now into the first week of may, and i haven't written a damn word yet. oh muse, where are you?

good luck on the interview!
ladywind ══╣creatrix╠══
Almost total sidebar: did you know that peppers and tomatillos and tomatoes, being such near species, will happily pollinate each other? Which means that if they're all planted within pollination-distance of one another, you might get some delightfully spiky-tasting tomatoes.
(I kindof want to try this, personally, just to see what one or two recipes taste like with peppermatoes instead of the usual mealysweet ones. Alas, I'm mostly good for pernicious weeds and an aloe.)
topaznebula ══╣╠══
Damn you got so much done! You were the most productive, good job! Can you rub some of that productive energy off on me please? I really need some.

All the things you said you did sound wonderful- the deck walls, the sweeping, the planting, the tidying. And the funs- the Kylei, the lunch, the dinner and the lights. Reading this felt a bit satisfying, like in an organizational way. Makes me want to try to clean and tidy all my things. Though, I did tidy my backyard patio, which was a giant project I finished (not perfect but damn good!), and I planted and mulched a lot of stuff and cleaned the porch. I just need to bring my productivity inside to clean my mess of a house.

Anyways I digress oops

I am SO excited for your interview and if the employer knows how to recognize talent, they will not pass you up ! !! I'm also hyped for your other job possibility and hope that goes great! :)

kiwi ══╣╠══
Best of luck with the interview!!

If you get a chance, would love to see your garden - so I can live vicariously. All I can make grow is lavender and rosemary (aka, things that a bomb couldn't destroy)... ;)
eristic_writer ══╣╠══
I'm so sorry your neighbors are assholes. That can really disrupt a person's sense of privacy and security. But yay for you getting so much accomplished! Bet your house looks and feels awesome now.

What are the jobs for which you applied? Any updates?
happy owl
meri_sielu ══╣happy owl╠══
Good luck with the job! :)
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══

I can still help with little tasks around, especially outdoors would be enjoyable. Don't be afraid to ask me even if it seems above and beyond. I like being of service to my friends.

zimtkeks ══╣╠══
Wow, you were productive!

I didn't know that cinnamon basil exists. Now I want to find out if I can find that around here.
Your garden sounds great! I wish I was good at cultivating plants.

How do you usually have dinner?

I'm late for crossing my fingers, but I hope you got the job!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.