November 2017
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follow-up: frustrations about overall friend situation not about individuals


icon: "analytical (a close-up photo of my eye in bright sunlight, showing the green and grey and roots-looking patterns)"

On being "too busy" - for me, there is not a number of cancellations or rejections of my invitations that is too much; it's more about how that happens and the results that matter. Anyone local can tell you that I am often too busy. But if someone makes the effort to initiate with me, then if I do want to spend time with them, I will offer an alternate plan or set up a plan to make a plan (like "I'm gonna be busy for the next two weeks but I'll put a reminder on my calendar and ask you when I can predict").  A person can literally say no to every invitation I give and still not upset me, if they offer alternative plans or tell me when to check in again. I have no expectation that people will do otherwise unless I have received permission to expect something from them.

I feel very upset when someone accuses me of not caring because I am busy or late or out of energy; my level of caring has nothing to do with those things. I feel complete understanding with my friends regarding those things. The problem comes in when it is literally all of my local friends because then it just becomes collectively too much effort. 

So please, in reading that last post, keep in mind that I am not complaining about any individual event or person, but about a trend in my experiences.

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Comments
aubkabob ══╣╠══
I love you.

That is all.

I was thinking about you today and smiling when I was perusing a gift shop at the hospital, there was something there that was vivid, yet muted in colors. I can't remember what exactly it was, but know that warm thoughts were thunk of you today!
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
aww <3
delicatexflower ══╣MISC-girl-bluebutterflyface╠══

i feel the same way, but i'm not busy. my issue is my chronic health problems. they got worse after both my parents died. some people i know local people here probably think i don't care or i'm lazy, but i wish some people took the time to understand chronic health problems.

i know how busy you are--it would overwhelm me deeply, so i think it's beautiful and wonderful you have such an open heart & mind after all of these years <3
belenen ══╣artless╠══
yes! I wish people took the time to understand people different from them. The world would be so much better.
pallid_regina ══╣╠══
Lately I've found myself giving, well, me (and others) permission to just not want to. I don't hold people being busy against them but, also, sometimes I think it's really important to acknowledge that you have been busy and you'd like some time to NOT be obligated or busy, as well. Too often I think we feel like if we're not filling every moment that we're being "bad" or doing something "wrong" which is a real bummer if you think about it.

So, yeah, I hear you.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
YES. People need down time, alone time, and are so often shamed for it.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.