November 2017
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Q & A about my beliefs regarding deities


icon: "Ma'at (a photo of one side of a brass balance scale, with a feather inside the bowl. The background is sky blue. On the bottom of the image, below the photo, is the word "Ma'at")"

if a god (or gods, or goddesses, or some other kind of divine entities) has ever factored into your spirituality, what drew you to them?
Many have. First was Jesus, and that was very early, at age 4. What drew me was probably partly my parents fascination (my dad would sit and memorize bible verses often, my mom sang a lot) and partly that Jesus was the way I interpreted my mystical experiences. I saw a glow in a person once, and another time I had a vision about my mom that scared me and I prayed with my dad and found out later that my mom had been in a wreck at the same time (and was not hurt, which we attributed to the prayer). Later I was drawn to the ancient Egyptian pantheon, especially Nuit, Geb, Hapi, and Renenutet. I loved the whole pantheon because of the central tenet of Ma'at, embodiment of truth and order, and because there was no subordination of women or intersex people. Other than these, I have been drawn to a few deities because I felt their presence, and afterward learned about them.

how did you perceive them at the times you felt most connected with them? as beings that exist, or more as mythical constructs? something else?
My concept of existence is based on my senses, mediated by my mind. So they do exist, but perhaps only in my reality. I do not know - or care - if deities exist in the grand-blended-everyone's-overlap reality.

did you ever feel that you genuinely had a two-way means of communication with those entities (say, for example, through prayer or meditation), or were they silent?
Not in a truly verbal sense, no. I have had feelings, both physical and emotional, which I perceived as communication from deities. More commonly than that, I will notice something that seems to me to be a sign from a deity. I don't often talk to them, though, so it makes sense to me that I have not gotten to a higher level of communication (I do feel that is possible).

have you ever felt that a god has intervened in your life directly, for better or for worse?
I mean... Yes? But not in any dramatic way. Small things, usually reassurance when I feel hopeless. Like the time I was heartbroken about breaking up with Hannah and Nick and I found a piece of colored sea glass, which I had never found before. I felt that was an intervention from a deity. I didn't know or care which one, I was just grateful for a little hope.

if you did feel like you had a two-way communication with a god, or felt that they intervened in your life, but later your beliefs changed, how did you perception change of those experiences? did you feel mistaken about the nature of those experiences?
My beliefs have certainly changed. When I was monotheist and solely Christian, I perceived everything as the work of that god, and I believed they intervened in the world in ways that broke the laws of the natural world. I once prayed without stopping for over an hour for someone who was very sick with pneumonia and bronchitis while also having asthma (the doctor said something like 'you should be dead'), and I felt my prayers and god were the reason that person lived. I didn't consider any other factors as relevant. Now, I still believe that such an action would have power, but not miraculous power that is better than medicine. Just a small push, which might be vital if someone is near the edge. I feel I was mistaken, but that it wasn't an important mistake because the choice would have been the same either way.

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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.