November 2017
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dream (wait for food, get denied) / name change poverty waiver denied


icon: "tenebrous (a shadowy orange-light photo of my face, looking down, with an achingly sad expression)"

apparently my bad dreams are coming true. Last night I dreamed I was at the beach with Topaz, and we went to a food truck. Topaz went to do something else and I waited in line, patiently, even though there was no one ahead of me and they didn't call me to the front. I waited for half an hour. Then they announced that it was 6pm and they weren't serving any more, looking to the side of me as if I wasn't there. I started crying and woke myself up with it.

Then today I check the mail and I have received a response to my name change with pauper's affidavit attached. They denied it. No reason, just "no." The cost for a name change is more than a third of what I make in a month. I do not have even an extra $20 much less an extra $200+. I think they denied me because they knew they could get away with it and they don't want to help people who can't pay, just on principle.

I feel so fucking hopeless. I made two trips to court and two trips to the notary to get this done. It was one of the hardest things I have done in at least two years. I can't even explain how difficult it was to do. I have a huge amount of fear around filling out any paperwork that says 'make a mistake and we throw you in jail' even if I am being really careful and don't think logically that that would happen. Driving to places is hard because every time I drive I am hyper aware that my car could break down, and because gas costs money which I don't have enough of. Dealing with paperwork is hard because I fear trapping myself somehow. Talking to people who are involved in the legal system is hard because I hate it and being around them feels like wading through a pool of sleeping piranhas.

All that work, and stress, and pushing against overwhelming fear, for nothing.

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Comments
marchioness ══╣elegant╠══
You e perfectly summed up my fear of legalese and paperwork and bureaucracy. I nearly had several apoplectic fits when I had to transfer my driver's license to a new state and register my car along with it.
xprincessdoomx ══╣╠══
I didn't know you could be denied for a name change.
hetfieldfan ══╣╠══
I added you pleez add me!
wolfteaparty ══╣╠══
I'm so sorry your name change was denied. How awful of them.
darkestgarden ══╣╠══
What an awful let-down, I'm sorry. I'm going through something similar, in that I am waiting to change my name legally but can't afford it. I can't believe how expensive it is. I mean, they want a $350 cash deposit JUST for the publication notice, and when I called around to find out how much that would actually be, the most expensive paper was $50 tops. As far as doing the poverty waiver, I did some research (for my area) and apparently they only approve it in specific situations, like when an impoverished domestic violence victim is fleeing an abuser.

So I feel you. And I totally empathize with finding the filing difficult and overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. Clerks are very impatient in my experience, and they don't have the time or inclination to help you file, and there is harassed quality to everyone in the system that sets me on edge.

Again, really sorry to hear about the decline. That sucks so much.
mac_arthur_park ══╣rose╠══
I am so sorry.
secret_keep ══╣╠══
this really sucks, I feel your pain.
I mean, I don't know for sure. My default was to say "I'm sorry that you're hurting", but I mean empathy, and I feel like it's useful to seperate those.

I have ideas for how to make this happen (it amounts to badgering them), if you're interested/want to talk about it.
topaznebula ══╣╠══
Wish I knew how to help (reread post)
zimtkeks ══╣╠══
Oh, that sucks. They should at least include the reason(s) and what you could do now. :-(
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.