September 2019
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an 'about me' that is exceedingly dense and comprehensive.

icon: "vivacious (my face with bold cat-eye makeup, with my head tilted down and to the side, looking at the camera with a wide close-lipped smile, hugging myself)"

There is a steep learning curve for most people to be close with me because I am so different from the default in identity, values, and language.
photo of me
[image description]
I have pale pink-toned skin, blue hazel eyes with light brown bushy eyebrows, and very dark brown hair with silver in it. My eyes are long and fairly narrow, my nose is medium-sized and upturned, my mouth is wide with full lips, and there is a gap between my two front teeth. I am wearing cat-eye liner that is very dramatic, with violet on my upper lids and shimmery white under my eyes down to the curve of my cheeks. I'm also wearing silver and violet jewels on one cheek and a goatee made of violet glitter. I don't wear foundation or lipstick, so you can see freckles on my cheeks and that my lips are a pale cherry red. I am making eye contact with the camera and grinning widely enough that you can see my upper teeth. I'm leaning against a scaly bright green plant so that it frames my face in the foreground and background.


my identity has many facetsCollapse )

my values and qualitiesCollapse )

I am careful with languageCollapse )

This on top of the fact that most people have to learn a whole new set of words/concepts to even start to understand me: queer, trans, agender, polyamorous, demisexual, fat & proud, nudist. To understand these things you have to break down the idea that gender is a continuum from male to female or that gender is any set of discrete categories, the idea that there are only two sexes, the idea that you can only be attracted to one gender, the idea that everyone has a gender, the idea that true love is exclusive, the idea that sexual attraction happens by appearance, the idea that fat is bad, the idea that nudity is sexual or scandalous -- for starters.

I'm invested in social justice and respond to injustice in every aspect of lifeCollapse )

I have non-average needs in communicationCollapse )

I cherish art, I cherish creationCollapse )

I build my own spiritualityCollapse )

I prioritize friendshipCollapse )

I'm not an easy friend! but my friends have told me that I am trustworthy, compassionate, empathetic, generous, encouraging, insightful, creative, genuine, and growth-inspiring, so I think that I am worth the effort. Still, it's so much easier for someone to be comfortable with me if they are already careful with language and already self-educate on sex, gender, relationships, race, disability, etc.

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call_me_katya ══╣Exploring╠══
I can't bear to leave a potential misunderstanding hanging, even if it is very unlikely that they don't actually understand. (I think people think I am humorless because of this but I can't stop, even though I am embarrassed that it seems like I am 'not getting it')

[Sorry, I tried to mark that out as a quote, but it posted on its own.]

This is something I experience a lot with new people, and especially on dating sites. I want everything to be crystal clear and joking misunderstandings with someone I have never met before almost seem disrespectful to me. It seems, yes, like I'm not getting it, but what they don't realise is that I don't want to get it, because it offends me.

What I probably should have written first though, is that this is a wonderful post. I knew some of this stuff about you already, but I'm learning more about your core values through the questions/answers you've recently been posting and realising that I share some, but haven't named them in the same way, or considered them as deeply.

As for fumbling around trying to find alternative words when you aren't used to avoiding slurs? I enjoyed this. I saw the rightness and viewed it as almost a ... vocabulary challenge? I think you can find people who had never considered such words as slurs before but are willing to start, because it feels right.
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you <3 I am glad you so enjoyed this post! and I love your reaction to the 'vocabulary challenge' :D
cleodora ══╣╠══
I was brought up a Quaker, and if I were more socially inclined in my spirituality I'd probably go back. I really respect how open-minded they are and er, non-lectury (it's late and I can't think of a better way to word that!)

I think the only slur I'm guilty of using there is 'crazy', and only really in relation to myself when I'm talking about my mental health and emotional instability. Most of those slurs there really bother me too.

I have ADHD-PI too and I find instant messaging a lot of pressure. Most people understand the phone anxiety thing even if they don't experience it themselves, but it's really hard explaining to people why I don't like to instant message!
belenen ══╣ADD-PI╠══
Thanks for reading this!

I am okay with reclaimed slurs, such as people with mental illness referring to their 'crazy.'

Oh, it is a relief that someone else gets it!
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.