May 2019
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break w Topaz is over, back to romantic / getting visuals from kissing / the kinds of kisses I like

icon: "concupiscent (a photo of Angelina Jolie, backlit in sunlight, licking honey off of their wrist while staring intensely into the camera)"

[Topaz and I are back to romantic]So Topaz and I are finished with the break, and back to being romantic. I think I have posted all the things I learned from it; quite a lot really. We have decided to put off sex a while longer. They said their reasons aren't there any more, but over the past week I realized that it might be a good idea for me. I realized that if we start having sex again before I have active practice with asserting my needs, then I may subvert my needs out of fear that being assertive may decrease my chances of having sex. Sex is usually not that big a miss for me but it has been a very long time, relatively speaking, and sex is the easiest way of being fully, passionately present and I really miss that sense of passionate presence. But I would like to practice being fully, passionately present in non-sexual ways, and this will be motivation for that practice.

Seeing Topaz again (on Monday) was a relief, but also didn't feel fully real. That day they got some deeply tragic news, so they were really sad. They were worried that I wouldn't want to see them but of course I did, I would always want to be there for them on such a day. We had really good, connected time despite the sad.

I had forgotten what kissing was like (when I say I have an awful memory I am not kidding). I was swept away, kissing them. I got images in my mind from the sensation and the emotion -- flowing brown watercolored silk with deep red, and brass roses with swirly flame-burnished colors at one point, and at another a sense of a green lush garden in Wonderland, with symbols floating and characters wandering. I don't know why I was getting visuals but I really love it and hope it continues. I was very wrapped up in the moment. I also forgot that I shudder with pleasure from kissing -- I mean, I forgot enough to be surprised, and then was surprised that I was surprised because it is something I would think I would be thoroughly aware of by now. I always feel just a little self-conscious about it, because even though it is involuntary I feel worried after that the person may think I'm 'being dramatic' or something.

I love kissing so much. My favorite kind of kiss is pressing lips softly together, with mouths open just enough for tongues to be able to caress each other -- maybe half an inch. I don't like it when people have their teeth together or when they have their mouth wide open. I like tongues to be relaxed, touching each other and lips and teeth, reaching at least to just inside the other person's mouth. I don't like it when I have to do all the reaching in, and I don't like it when people stick their tongue in my mouth like they're being rude to the back of my throat. And people have to be willing to suck their own tongue and swallow occasionally (which always is an awkward second) so that there isn't too much saliva. I like some closed-mouth kissing -- I like sucking on someone's lower lip and caressing their lips with the tip of my tongue, and I consider it the height of erotic to press the tip of my tongue in between someone's almost-but-not-quite-closed lips. And I like gently sliding my lips along their lips, just a little bit, and vice versa. I like very VERY gentle, broad lip biting (my lips split easily so it must be gentle, and it must be a large section not a tiny piece of my lip). I like to touch peoples' face when I kiss them and vice versa. I like to touch someone's lips with my fingers before kissing them, and sometimes during (just touching the corner of their mouth).

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medesign ══╣╠══
I love those kisses that take your breathe away and you feel light headed from. Hate when someone sticks their tongue way deep into my mouth. A twirling of tongues and bites on the lip are always fun though.
belenen ══╣concupiscent╠══
I don't mind deep tongue kisses, if they're done with a soft non-slobbery tongue. That's a rare technique though!
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
I'm glad you're back together!
belenen ══╣ecstatic╠══
thanks, me too!
wolfteaparty ══╣╠══
One of my awful exes rammed his tongue pretty much to the back of my throat and said, "That's how you French-kiss." It was so gross.
belenen ══╣ewwwww╠══
cactus_rs ══╣kiss╠══
I don't think I'll ever really like tongue, ever. Something about it....

I hope things continue on a happy & healthy path with Topaz!
belenen ══╣artless╠══
I don't get that, but I can respect it!

call_me_katya ══╣Exploring╠══
I'm so glad the break is over and that things are on a positive course!

I'm trying to remember what sort of kisses I like. I haven't kissed anyone in two years [although I've been having a lot of dream-kisses recently so maybe I'll meet someone soon?] so I can't remember specifics but what you describe sounds about right! I don't ever really remember having the too-much-saliva issue but as a long-haired person there's definitely a hair in mouth hazard. I remember I used to get really embarrassed and try to brush my hair away subtly, especially if the hair was more in their mouth than in mine! But after a while I just kinda became businesslike, as in 'I have long hair, that's what happens. DEAL!'
belenen ══╣amused╠══

haha! I had this hair-in-mouth issue recently! a businesslike approach to such practical issues is ideal, I think *grins*
webgirluk ══╣╠══
I'm happy to read that you and Topaz are back together romantically after your break :-)
belenen ══╣effervescent╠══
thanks! me too!
re_vised ══╣╠══
I'm sorry to hear Topaz had something so sad happen to them... :( Glad you could be there for them, though!
belenen ══╣artless╠══
I was glad too, glad it didn't happen during the break because that would have been so much harder.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.