Belenen (belenen) wrote,

different all the time in multiple significant ways / categories: identities, experiences, & values

icon: "distance (two hands (from a brown person and a white person) just barely apart, facing each other palm to palm)"

It can be fun to be different sometimes, in small ways. It's not fun to be different all the time in multiple significant ways. If everyone self-educated about everyone who is different from them and worked to use inclusive language, being different would just be wonderful. They don't, so it's exhausting to be different. It means that a shitton of your social interaction is fending off bad assumptions and explaining things, all the while hoping that your efforts are making an actual difference and won't have to be repeated constantly. All the while having to remind yourself that kindhearted people don't mean to act like you are inferior or unrelatable, or like you don't belong. And never being quite sure, because not all bigots are honest.

I have compiled a list of how I can be categorized. Other than being white, nondisabled, and assigned female at birth, I usually have very very little in common with people I meet.

Now keep in mind that each of these is as important to who I am as occupation or religion is to your average person. Some of them are plenty common, but not in combination with others (for instance, being white is common but being both white and dedicated to intersectional social justice is not). In almost every case, attending a meeting intended for all people of one of my identities will be alienating, because they will assume that another part of my identity does not exist. For example, being pagan-ish and agender: most people who can relate to me spiritually (by revering nature) love to gender everything, which of course feels like them shouting "get out" in my face. Or being queer and southern because wow do queers run away. Or being a relationship anarchist and NOT being allosexual.

queer / relationship anarchist / agender trans (experience self as intersex) / southern USian not intending to leave / cyber citizen / unaffiliated spirituality (eclectic pagan quaker) / fat & proud / demisexual/asexual spectrum / nudist / literal tree-hugger who believes in plant sentience & ecological justice / energy-worker / data scientist / fractal artist / color/light worshipper / photographer / maker/crafter / psychonaut / writer / erotic mirror / sci-fi/fantasy geek

growing up poor / neglectful physically & emotionally abusive parents / assigned female at birth / ADD/Autism spectrum / devoutly & independently spiritual as a child (read the bible cover-to-cover 3x) / childhood trauma (sexual abuse) / university schooling / white / non-disabled

intersectional social justice / conflict resolution early & often / curiosity & questioning / openness over comfort / vegetarian for ecological reasons / content creator* / learn-sharer** / consent advocate*** / growth-seeker^ / sharer^^ / being thorough

* (one who creates content for others to use/enjoy)
** (one who explains their learning process to others so that they can learn too)
*** (one who actively seeks to never infringe on the will of another, and to prevent such happening anywhere they can: most people would like to think of themselves as this but do not do work to be it)
^ (one who is always focused on improving, never content to be static)
^^ (one who attempts to live up to 'from each according to ability, to each according to need': anti-capitalist)

[percentages of likeness with people I know who are most like me plus examples of the average person]
People I know who are the most like me (this is my best guess):

Vola: 26 (65%)
Hannah: 24 (60%)
Topaz: 23 (58%)
Kylei: 22 (55%)
Sande: 19 (48%)
Adi: 19 (48%)
Sydney: 18 (45%)
Elizabeth: 18 (45%)
Arizona: 18 (45%)
Abby: 17 (43%)
Allison: 17 (43%)
Rachel: 17 (43%)
Firekat: 15 (38%)
Jaime: 13 (33%)
Cass: 13 (33%)
Heather: 12 (30%)

And to compare to more average people:
recent boss: 9 (23%)
coworker 1: 8 (20%)
coworker 2: 6 (15%)
parent P: 8 (20%)
parent M: 7 (18%)
sibling S: 6 (15%)
sibling B: 7 (18%)
partners' siblings:
A1: 7 (18%)
A2: 6 (15%)
B1: 4 (10%)
B2: 4 (10%)
C1: 5 (13%)


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