July 2018
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why I am practicing polyamory (relationship anarchy) even when I am dating one person or no one


icon: "polyamorous relationship anarchist (a rainbow-colored heart with the 'anarchy' capital letter A cutting through it, over a brick texture that suggests the heart is graffiti)"

I used to wonder if I could still call myself polyamorous if I was dating one or zero people. Answer: yes, because polyamory is about how I do ALL of my relationships, not just about what set of rules I put on my romantic relationships.

For me, polyamory is not about what I DO want so much as it is about what I DON'T want. I don't want to have to put people in roles or privilege my sexual relationship over my friendships in order to make one person feel loved and safe. I don't want to have to limit all my connections so that they don't accidentally develop romantic aspects. I don't want to have to define some cuddles as platonic and others as romantic. I don't want to spend so much time and energy on one person that I cannot imagine my life without them and my identity becomes intermingled with our relationship, thus making it impossible to really know if I even want to be in it, or to know who I am without their influence. I don't want them to get that dependent on me either. I want to feel like my connections to others can be changed at any point by either person without anyone suffering damage (pain maybe, but not damage).

For me, polyamory is not about having multiple partners, it's about refusing artificial limits. My polyamory is practiced just as much when I am single or dating one person. It's easier and more fun when I am dating more than one person! but it isn't any less of a part of who I am.

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Comments
feladrone ══╣╠══
I connect so strongly with your second-to-last paragraph. That's pretty much exactly how I would like my relationships to be. I want be in a relationship, but I still want to be *me*. And I would want the people I'm with to be *themselves* too.
polyamorous relationship anarchist
belenen ══╣polyamorous relationship anarchist╠══
yes! to remain individuals, what a delightful concept *grins*
bobby1933 ══╣╠══
I think what you call polyamory is what i call "love," or maybe even "being."
analytical
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
maybe, but I would say that most people prefer their love to be shaped into certain roles.
bobby1933 ══╣╠══
That's too bad for all of us.
But you are right.
pic#124969441
webgirluk ══╣pic#124969441╠══
I think it's great you believe in relationship anarchy and often it surprises me how so many people don't allow more freedom into their relationships. In a way, I probably do restrict myself as I do opt for exclusive relationships sexually but not emotionally as close emotional bonds away from a romantic relationship matter to me to strive for. I like how you cuddle up with your friends and I could see myself being in a friendship like that where we cuddle or give massages but I would draw the line at full on kissing them as it would be then cheating on a partner over the boundaries defined. As well,. I think marriage is exceptionally. restrictive in the sense a relationship is governed and polar opposite of relationship anarchy, yet for whatever reason, it's seen as the norm.
analytical
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
Yes, I agree that marriage is usually exceptionally restrictive! It doesn't have to be, but the whole world is set up to make it that way so if people want a marriage that isn't like that they have to actively fight against it. I think getting married makes it much harder to have a healthy relationship.
house unity
ellie_nor ══╣house unity╠══
Yes. Yes, this. ♥
artless
belenen ══╣artless╠══
*smiles*
dead_gurlie ══╣╠══
I'm currently in a poly relationship <3
curious
belenen ══╣curious╠══
cool! is it your first?
Original ★ there is the familiar
ragnarok_08 ══╣Original ★ there is the familiar╠══
I love this entry <3
adoring
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
yay!
solokso ══╣╠══
Well, sounds fine
garrulous
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yeah, it is *nods*
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
curious
belenen ══╣curious╠══
ooohh, I am very curious about which part is challenging!
Tango
raidingparty ══╣Tango╠══
I was always confused by people who were offended by the idea of me dancing with people other than my girlfriend, and/or got angry when I asked their girlfriend to dance.

I can recognize that sexual intimacy means something different to me (and most people in our culture), but I'm willing to sit and pick apart whye, and this post gives us helpful things to think about. Thanks!
artless
belenen ══╣artless╠══
cool! I love 'why's *grins*
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.