Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

moving my accumulated stuff back / ownership versus child-me the thief

icon: "gamine (a photo of me as a seven-year-old child, freckled with frizzy hair and a solemn expression, leaning against a tree)"

So Topaz is moving from the place they have lived the entire time I have known them, which is reminiscent of me moving because I spend probably a good half of my free time (or more) at their house. We have already taken 2 car loads to my house and there are still some things there that will need to be brought over. While it's sort of stressful and now my living room is once again filled with stuff that needs sorting and putting away, it also feels good to be pulling stuff back to my house.

I didn't realize that I felt sort of back-burner stressed about having so much stuff over there, but it makes sense because it felt disorganized, especially having my craft stuff over there. I feel low-level constant stress when my stuff is not organized, because it feels like I am not respecting it. Ever since I was a child, I have felt like things have feelings and all things want to be noticed and used. I feel like it is unethical to keep things you don't love or use because they could be with someone who will actually value them. That's why I am getting rid of so many of my books -- if I will literally never read it, I am disrespecting it by keeping it.

When I was a little kid I took this ethic of "whoever will love it most should have it" to an extreme, and I would steal from people if I felt they weren't loving their things enough. Some of my most prized possessions as a child were things I stole. I would also give away my things if I felt like someone else loved them more.

Now that I am an adult, I realize there are more things to consider than "who will love it most." While I still don't believe in ownership of anything you didn't make or customize, I know that other people do, and I know that people will feel violated by being stolen from, so of course I don't do it. But that's not because I think it is inherently wrong, but rather because of the effect it has within this society. I never want to cause someone to feel violated and that is a higher ethic to me than possibly anything else.
Tags: growth, home, moving
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