February 2018
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I'm forever shit at comments, sorry / stressed out about my car


icon: "giving (two cartoon figures: one fills in a heart with red marker on its chest while the other watches. Then the other points at it and "...?" appears as a thought above it. The one with the heart on it smiles and glomp-hugs the other, who looks startled, then blushes and hugs back. The first one pulls away again and the heart has been copied onto the second one's chest. both smile. image repeats.)"

Well I lost my streak but I'm gonna try again because it was really good for me. I got a bunch of stuff posted that had been half-finished for a long time and that felt good. And 11 days is the longest streak I have had in a REALLY long time. But I remembered that part of why I don't post every day is that there's this horrible paradox where if nobody comments then I feel invisible, but whenever people comment and I don't reply I feel guilty. But I also want to read and reply on my flist and I usually don't have time for both.

So, often I don't post because I have built up too much guilt about not replying to comments. I'm just going to have to accept that I do this, and until I get enough programming knowledge to make an app (that doesn't suck) for reading and replying on LJ, I will just have to warn people: I suck at replies and am only slightly better at commenting on other people's posts. I wish I was better but it is a mental thing that I don't seem able to control. It's related to my ADHD -- because it reloads the page after every comment, each one feels like a context switch, and context switches wear my brain out SO BADLY.

My car worked for a good three days after the last examination before it went out. I have been taking lyft to the bus stop every day, and while I'm grateful that I can do this and that I know how to handle myself when I don't have enough money, it is very stressful. Worse is that Jeff -- my mechanic who I have been taking my cars to for a decade and a half -- is now semi-retired and I couldn't get in touch with him when I needed to move my car from where it had been sitting in a friend's carport.

So I asked for recommendations from locals and picked the nearest one and talked with them. They seemed decent so I had it towed to them. Then they did not check out the part I said was the problem, quoted me a price that was easily $70 over what it should have been, and informed me after the fact that they were gonna charge me $50 for glancing at my engine. I was furious, but felt helpless because I don't know that anywhere else would be better, and I was literally about to give them the go-ahead when Jeff finally texted and begged me to call him. I did, and he recommended me someone else and offered to pay for another tow (because he felt bad about being out of touch when I needed help), so now I'm waiting to hear back about that.

I feel a lot better with Jeff helping me find someone else to trust. And Jeff knows that my car is vulnerable to unethical mechanics because I have my politics clearly written on my car (literally, with paint), and he assured me that this new guy will treat me right (he referenced that the new guy had grown up in a very non-conservative part of Atlanta). He thought about something that I would be worried about and reassured me without me even having to ask.

When I thought I was going to have to find a new mechanic on my own, I felt just hopeless about it, and I realized fully how lucky I am to have a mechanic who listens to me, respects me, and treats me as a friend. Jeff is a straight cis white man over 50 who puts most white men (including young or gay or trans white men) to shame when it comes to respecting people. And Jeff has told me to call him if I am ever stranded and need a ride (and he means it). I feel so lucky to know him.

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Comments
jes0901 ══╣╠══
I have a very hard time posting and commenting and I don’t know why because I have so much time on my hands. I always say oh I’m going to post about this or that and I forget. I was the same way on my last time with live journal. I need to just post and comment every day.

I have a hate love relationship with vehicles. I’m very lucky to have a boyfriend that’s been a mechanic for the last 25 years so he pretty much knows how to fix anything. It sucks trying to find a good mechanic that’s not going to charge you an arm and a leg.
callmebee ══╣╠══
You don't have to be good at comments for me. I always like when you comment on my posts, but it won't hurt my feelings if you don't. It especially won't bother me if you do comment and I reply, but you don't reply to that reply.

It also won't bother me if I comment on your post and you don't have the time/energy/wherewithal to reply.

My expectation of Vex interaction is: once in a while and on your terms. If I ever felt like I really needed a response, I'd email you directly. Otherwise it feels like a treat to hear from you, but not something I MUST HAVE to sustain myself.

Hoping to take a tiny bit of pressure off.

Also, its really cool that you have a mechanic who will help you out in such a human way. I hope your car gets fixed soon and doesn't need repairs for a long, long time!


lostincandyrain ══╣╠══
Jeff sounds like the most amazing mechanic ever! I'm glad he got back to you.
coolbandanas ══╣╠══
But I remembered that part of why I don't post every day is that there's this horrible paradox where if nobody comments then I feel invisible, but whenever people comment and I don't reply I feel guilty.

This is me! 100%!! It does upset me sometimes, how selfish I probably appear posting all the time and never commenting lol. Not saying people who do that are selfish, just the way I feel about myself. I don't mind when people don't comment, every once in a while I see people saying they've been reading and apologising for exactly this, and that's cool :)
But it is hard to find time to do it all, isn't it? I understand where you're coming from totally.

Yay for Jeff! Shame he's retiring, but it's lovely that he will still be there to look after you/your car if/when you need him =)
afrosnow ══╣╠══
I totally understand you on the replying thing. I'm awful at replying to comments too. I just hope no one takes it personally D:! However when I comment I don't comment with an expectation that I get a response for every single comment that I make so idk hopefully others think the same way lol.

We're still here for you no matter what =)

Hope your car situation gets figured out!!! I hate car trouble so much. It's the worst.
solivini ══╣╠══
Just adding to the other comments that it is perfectly fine if you don't comment. I'd prefer that people comment when they have something to say, not just to be saying something. I think you will find that most mature people won't freak out about you not commenting or posting, as we are all seemingly in the same boat and thus, understand one another :)
hana_broom ══╣╠══
It's great you have a decent mechanic... trying out people you don't have a recommendation for is always so risky. *hugs*
stormdog ══╣╠══
I have this problem with commenting on posts. The ones that are most important and interesting to me are the ones that I'm less likely to respond to because I feel like they deserve time and thought so I'm not just saying 'me too,' and then I never manage to do it. I read all your posts. Not that that helps your perception.

It sounds like you have a fantastic mechanic; that's a really wonderful thing. I miss living near my friend Juan who is a professional mechanic and often did the work on my vehicles for me. I no longer own a car and am happy about that, but when Danae's car needs work we have to hope the person we bring it to is being honest. I love riding a bike because I can fix it myself, and when I can't it's like a tenth the cost. I brought it in for an overhaul, and there were a few extra things to do on it and the tech warned me that it would be around $200 in total, as though I'd be upset about it. I just said that I couldn't even get my brakes done on a car for less than that, and it was fine!

on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.