April 2018
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update on the 40-day fast


Well, my cravings for crunchiness have stopped (or at least hidden away for a while) but I keep dreaming that I forget I'm fasting and eat chips. Then I freak out about it -- but not enough to wake me up. So when I do finally wake up, I wonder if it was a dream or a memory until I recall the circumstances.

And a good thing is this: I've been actually reading the Word (and finding some interesting stuff); it helps me that I know a bunch of other people are reading. I don't know why. And I'm looking forward to posting a rant that I have bubbling in my mind... God agrees with me, so there! Just kidding. I may of course be wrong: but until I see a logical counter-argument I shall believe that I am right.

The bad thing is this: my faith feels like it's simultaneously powerful and nonexistant. I wish I had someone to show me the way... but I seem to be trekking through uncharted territory. Most christians seem content to accept other people's answers, but no, I have to find my own... and I feel like I need some proof, some very personal proof; something my mind CANNOT doubt! And I wonder, do most christians push these thoughts away, or do they not have them, or is there an answer to this that I'm missing? I hope that there is an answer, and whether other people have found it or not, I'm gonna! I want something beyond the spiritual -- I have plenty of spiritual proof -- I want something physical, to convince my mind that my spirit isn't just plain lying.
I cried and cried and cried at night -- and Ben had just worked a 14.5 hour day, and was too exhausted to be much comfort. I read my Bible ('cause of course I put it off until the last moment) and the feeling subsided, but it's still there.

Maybe a prayer partner would help -- if I can get in touch with one.

feelings: thoughtful
connecting: , ,

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Comments
shaybe ══╣╠══
hun you arent alone...
as a very wise man once said to me (quoting something his wiser even mother siad to him once) faith is not the absense of inquisition). So many christians just accept and forget to use their brains. I tend not to believe anything unless scripturally based. Church doctrins suck...lol... Life and faith have nothing to do with blind acceotance. God asks us to read and study the word and to love him.,..not to acceot blindly the church doctrines that have no place in scripture anyway. find your own truths find your own way...God will lead you.. he knows your heart... if you seek him first always... you will not be lead astray
curious
belenen ══╣curious╠══
Re: hun you arent alone...
absolutely. I believe God loves curiousity (otherwise he wouldn't have created me) -- but my issue is with believing that he's not mad at me or something... I'm trying to believe that I just don't understand, but I keep feeling like he's ignoring me 'cause I did something or am doing something wrong....
rhaniha ══╣╠══
Some people say you shouldn't ask questions about the bible, that you should just accept it blindly. But that's bullshit. So just ask as many questions as you like. And if it turns out that you don't feel comfortable with your faith and that it's not satisfying you, it's not a sin to switch religions. I think that God would want us to explore our options and find something that makes us happy. :-)
passionate
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
oh, yes, I believe in asking questions... and my faith in God and the Bible hasn't wavered, it's my faith that he's interested in/pleased with me that is suffering.
pi3cesofm3eh ══╣╠══
what kind of questions do you have? Your wondering if He is pleased with you or interested in you? Of course He is interested in you, He created you, your His child and everyone is important to the Creator. The Word says that He foreknew us and knit each one of us in our mothers womb. He took special time out just to create you. The only way we can please God is by doing His Will. What is His Will?

Deu 5:20 says, "Oh, that they had such a heart in them, to fear Me and to guard all My commands always, so that it might be well with them and with their children forever!"

Its His desire that we obey His commands and this pleases the Father.
cross
amazedcreation ══╣cross╠══
So how are you doing this fast? Are you fasting all food? Tell me tell me tell me! I am so curious!
garrulous
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I'm fasting all food, but anything I can drink through a straw is allowed, so I'm drinking protein shakes and V8 to make sure I'm getting the right nutrients -- it's a fast from the fun of eating, not really from the nutrients of it. I've gotten really good at making smoothies with fruit. ;-)
amazedcreation ══╣╠══
Cool. Very cool. What are you doing this fast for? Are you doing it with other people?
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.