So frustrating because I can't get rid of it. I can't even drown it in a book -- when I read I can't get into it.
I think it has something to do with major triggers lately... one was an icon that I won't describe because just to describe it bothers me so much. The other was a community that posts 'erotic stories' about rape and child molestation. I reported both of these -- LJ said, "we're not going to do anything." That's the attitude of everyone, isn't it? It certainly feels like it.
I've felt so hopelessly fucked up these past two days... I can't guard myself from learning about this stuff -- it's everywhere! I need to get completely healed so that it doesn't hurt me so much.... I wonder what it feels like to be a healthy human being. I imagine I'll be fearless -- it seems that my natural self is fearless, but my current, fucked-up self isn't. Not by a long shot.