oh. my. gosh. There's just something about a full moon -- they always mean something good is going to happen for me.
I couldn't sleep last night, so I was just laying in bed petting Ben when he woke up to get ready for work... and I wanted him to pet me for a bit, just so that I could go to sleep with that feeling of intimacy -- but for whatever reason, his touch ignited me in a way that was much more powerful than usual (since we've been digging up bad memories in counseling my sex drive has crashed) and we weren't about to waste it... and WOW. That sexperience just eclipsed all the others. Foreplay was minimal, yet I had a double simultanious orgasm (that's the only way I can think of to describe it) and just the whole time was amazing... it felt like every cell in my body was into it, instead of just your usual zones... and I think that was the first time that my whole self has been completely immersed in sensuality. Before, there has always been some part of me that seems to be sitting with it's arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, saying "this is it? I thought there was more to it than that." Not this time! And Ben didn't do anything differently or better, I just reacted much more enthusiastically.
Maybe I'm really getting healed -- I know that I can't expect zero backtracking, but still... if this is what sex is like all the time for healthy people, then all that I've been through to find healing is worth it, just for the sex.
When I get aroused, my mind shuts down almost totally. I can't think and I can only remember feelings afterwards, not the order that we did stuff in or what exactly we did -- I mean, if we did more than one postition I even forget that and only remember the last one! Seriously! It's a very odd experience for me because my mind is usually so in control, and I remember all other interactions very clearly -- I can quote conversations. But I like it. I like losing myself in the moment... and sex is the only time I do that completely. It feels utterly liberating and relaxing.