Tags: colors


my self-labels, part 3: atheist Quaker spiritualist, energy-weaver, color/light worshipper...

icon: "spiritual (a photo of a snow leopard with (edited) violet eyes staring straight into the camera)"

What are the parts of your identity that you have labels for? (list and then define)

Part 3: my heart and spirit parts.

How I understand the world and express myself (heart): these are parts of me that form my lens for understanding myself and my tools for expressing myself.

[atheist / nontheist Quaker spiritualist]

atheist / nontheist Quaker spiritualist

I'll work backwards on this one: I am a spiritualist because I believe in finding meaning in things that are objectively meaningless. If I find a perfectly heart-shaped rock, I choose to assign the meaning that I am on the right path and the universe is affirming me. If I find a phallus-shaped mushroom, I choose to assign the meaning that a benificent magical being is jokingly reminding me of a dream I had once. If I want to make a change in my life I will write a spell and chant it because when I do that, I get what I asked for -- I don't care how it works and I'm not gonna disbelieve in my own experience. I don't care if these meanings only exist for me.

I'm a Quaker because I believe that everyone has the ability to find truth and create meaning. I value the same things that Quakers do, particularly equality and community. I love that Quakers literally will put their bodies on the line for equality, and are careful to consider it in their organizing: it's not just lip service. I love that Quakers believe in consensus decision-making and reject the practice of outsourcing their responsibility to a leader, whether religious or political. I feel very nourished by the Quaker practice of unprogrammed communal worship/meditation with optional sharing (if someone has a realization which may be helpful to others).

Technically I believe in what I call gods, but what I think many would not. I believe in ideas as forces of their own, which are created by shared thought. Sometimes these ideas can feel very person-like and some people can interact with them in beneficial or harmful ways; I call these deities. Deliberate worship is the most effective way to make one but it can be done accidentally, and most often is. I think the flying spaghetti monster has been made pretty real, which is hilarious. Other accidentally-created gods are every person depicted on money, many military leaders, everyone who has had multiple biographies written about them (including and especially hitler), the victoria's secret angel (who people worship by torturing their own bodies) and infinite others, some living only for a few weeks.

I choose to worship certain deities that I resonate with, and I have had strange and wondrous things happen as a result. I don't care if I am making it up and it is not true for anyone else: it is true for me and I like it, so I retain it. Deity worship is not a pillar of my belief system but it is a very soft warm rug that I sometimes lay on.

So if I believe in gods, by my definition, why am I an atheist? This one evolved very recently - as in, after I started writing this post. I was talking with a friend about why they don't consider me a theist, and why atheism is an important perspective, and that made me realize something new to me. Previously when discussing this I got stuck on the fact that I don't think there is anything inherently wrong in believing in gods, but while that is true it doesn't mean there is no harm done. An appeal to authority reinforces all appealing to authority, which I do not want to do. Since I think that I both believe and don't believe in gods, I have a choice to make identity-wise and I choose the anti-authority identity. I'm not yet sure if non-theist or atheist is more true of me, so I will keep both for now.



This relates to my spirituality: I sense idea-things in and on people that I can interact with if I choose to. Sometimes this is highly metaphysical; I might feel a string tied around someone's wrist or a shard in someone's energy center, when those don't exist in a visual reality. Sometimes it is more physical; I might feel static 'in' someone's head when they have a bad headache, or I might feel body parts that don't physically exist (one of my exes had dragon wings).

Weaving energy is when I do something like take the shard out of someone, or pet their wings. Some people can feel this when I do it, even when they have their eyes closed. People have told me that my energy weaving has eased their physical pain or soothed their emotional distress. One person thought I put a heated pad on them when it was just my hands. Another told me that I made a migraine go away at a point where medication usually would not work. An insomniac fell asleep as I worked on them. I haven't yet tried it on anyone who couldn't feel it, though it varies in effectiveness.

[color/light worshipper]

color/light worshipper

Light was my first word, and my first love. Color is an illusion created by the absorption of light, so I love it as an expression of light. I love light and color very much, and for me it ascends to worship because I make it a central aspect of how I design my space, clothe my body, and choose and customize my companion objects (like my water bottle and car). I also worship by creating art: light through photography and color through mixed media and digital art.

I also worship light through awed contemplation: I gaze at reflections and refractions of light, especially colored light. I love everything that glows in the dark. I love fairy lights and black lights and color-changey lights. I love everything that glows or shimmers, everything transparent and colorful. Glass connects to this because of the way it can hold light, cradle it, focus it, split it, direct it. I love all transparent glass and to a lesser extent translucent glass.



To me, a photographer is someone who documents life for the sake of memory and/or sharing truth or beauty. So people who take photos for money are not necessarily people that I would call photographers. I am not as much of a photographer now as I was years ago, but I am trying to be. I am more myself when I am a photographer.

[jewelry maker]

jewelry maker

I've been making beaded jewelry since I was about 8, and making complex, unique jewelry since I was introduced to nylon-coated flexible wire at 19 (15 years ago). I haven't done much of it in the past 3 years, but I am still very passionate about it and I generally don't wear or gift jewelry that I didn't make. I've played a little with natural stone beads but glass is my medium of choice. I make necklaces designed with reflected symmetry, with shape as much of a player as color and texture. I make earrings of many types but my favorite involve making a wire shape from which strands or chains dangle: I call these "chandelier" style earrings.

[digital/fractal artist]

digital/fractal artist

I have been using photoshop since about 2004; I am extremely good at photo editing and am skilled at graphic design as well. I fell in love with fractals after discovering them on deviantart, and began making them myself in 2012. I identify as a fractal artist because I feel that I have a distinctive style to my fractals and I feel that I can express myself in fractals more than I can in any other medium. I identify as a digital artist because most of my photos are digital as well as my fractals and I do post-work that is also digital.

[coffee clergyperson]

coffee clergyperson

I used to call myself a coffee snob or coffee geek but clergyperson is definitely more accurate. I know a lot -- a LOT -- about coffee and I love it dearly. The preparation ritual adds to it for me, whether I make it myself or go to a temple and pay for service. I have worked at a number of coffee temples and I have my own shrines at home, at work, and at Topaz'.

Inherently me (spirit); these are aspects of me that I think would always exist -- aspects which come from the truest part of me, which have existed as long as I was cognizant and which have never changed, even though I might not have specifically identified with them in the past. Everything else about me comes from these parts.

[curious questioner]

curious questioner

I think the very most core trait of mine is curiosity -- even more than justice, even more than love. One of the few stories that my parents tell about me as a child is when someone was reading a book to me and I asked "what's that?" so many times that the person reading to me got impatient and just started telling me before I had a chance to ask again.

I question everything and everyone as much as I can. Anyone who knows me at all, if you asked "who (among those you know) is the questioner?" I would instantly come to mind. Being asked questions -- real, meaningful questions that only I can answer where the person is invested in the answer -- makes me feel more loved than almost anything else.



This is a key part of my identity because it informs everything I do. I seek to grow and learn in every way I can, at every opportunity. I made a decision to consciously develop into a continuously better self 19 years ago and I have maintained my success. I don't have any particular aim, as long as I can always look at last year's self and notice improvement.

[content creator]

content creator

It took me a while to realize that most people don't do this. All my in-person friends were crafty and all my internet friends were writers and mostly artists too, so when I randomly met someone who didn't create at all, I thought they were the oddity. I've since been exposed to more normates and I would guess that at least the majority of USians don't create anything at all.

But content creating is something so necessary to who I am and who I have always been, even since a child, that I don't feel capable of relating to someone who does not create anything. I mean, even creating memes and putting rhinestones on your phone case counts to me. Writing reviews about media counts, making meals from random ingredients counts. Creating solo I can relate to in a distant way but I relate best to people who create content that is intended for sharing, like LJ posts or artwork that they share online and/or in person.

[critical analyst]

critical analyst

I analyze everything, both personally and academically. I'm really talented and skilled at using data analysis programs, and I have an intuitive understanding of statistics and surveying. I make spreadsheets for fun. I really love analytics. I also believe in critiquing media and human behavior, and I do both pretty much constantly. I don't really have the ability to turn this off, and I find it baffling (and very unappealing) that others just absorb and experience without analyzing.



I am a writer because I am not whole when I don't write. Writing is something I do to understand myself, to keep from losing important parts of me into the dark tangles of my memory, and to help others understand me, as well as to teach and explain things. I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like writing/reading or isn't comfortable with reading/writing, it will be almost impossible for us to maintain closeness because so much of me is lost if a person tries to separate me from my LJ. In any lifetime with this level of sentience, I feel sure I would want to use shared symbols to record things I think, feel, and learn.
colors of the wind

3x3 color meme: name three items in these three colors...

icon: "colors of the wind (a crop of my fractal "Colorflight": wild colors with a swooping shapes and patterns)"

kehlen_crow invented this 3x3 color meme!

Drop a comment and I will give you three colours. You will then look around from where you're writing the reply, and name three items you see in each of those colours.

From me, an example:

violet -- my tall, sectional plastic water bottle (which I carry with me at all times), my zippered fabric trapper-keeper (which I have had for over 20 years and currently use to carry my laptop and keyboard), and some rhinestones on my phone.

black -- my phone (though the black is half-covered with many different brightly-colored stick-on rhinestones and dimensional stickers), my lap desk, and my laptop.

medium blue -- the ink of a highlighter pen on this desk, the stripe on my trapper keeper, and part of the mottled glaze on the coffee mug that Topaz got me which I keep at their house (it is hand-made and glazed with slate blue, deep fuchsia, pastel plum, and just a little bit of forest green).

my best help with achieving goals: a sticker chart. With shiny reward stars.

icon: "progressing (a deeply, vividly green forest of thick vines and trees, with a tunnel running through where unused train tracks lay)"

Something that I have found very VERY helpful in achieving my goals is using a wall calendar and reward stickers. I got the idea from something similar in "Your Life Can Be Better" (a fantastic book of coping mechanisms for ADD people), when the author mentioned that ADD people are especially drawn to color and can be rewarded with it. I was like, I dunno how true that is across the board but for me HELL YES, so how do I reward myself with color? I only came up with one answer but it worked -- I got a wall calendar and star stickers. I didn't keep up with it when I had it by my bed, but when I hung it on the wall right next to my desk I had a lot of success for some months (when I was barely home, it failed). And it kept me thinking about it which is the most important thing for me to achieve goals. Here is the "key" I use from month to month:

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Spiritual practice can include meditating, reading a spiritual book, saying a spell, vocal affirmations, deliberately connecting with nature or my body, singing, worshipful movement, dancing, making a sacred object, divination, etc.

The sparkly ones are intended to be daily practices, but I feel satisfied with at least one star every day, and I feel very pleased with myself if I get 4 or more. With 7 daily categories, it is rare that all of them get done in one day! I need to add one more daily category: correct calendar notes. My google calendar is my external memory and when I don't write down what I did or take a photo, I have literally no idea what happened two days ago or sometimes even yesterday.

The dotted stars are not intended to be daily, just regularly enough, I don't have many of them so I am hoping to run them out and replace them with prettier ones because the pink, green, and blue white-dotted stars are HIGH energy cost. Often when I achieve those I don't get the other ones.
tree elder

13 things I believe in!

spirit: the part of things which is the ethereal blueprint for them, the perfect core. I believe plants, minerals, animals, humans, stars, places, bodies of water, and everything else each has a spirit. I believe that all beings can commune with other beings through this core-self. I believe all beings are part of a whole self -- we are just the limbs of a much larger creature. I see humans as also having soul and heart, and of course mind and body. I feel that some non-human beings also have souls, but I'm not sure what the pattern is there.

magic: the ability of individual consciousness to affect the pattern of the universe. I believe that thoughts and emotions are magical; words are the manifestation of these things and as such can draw even stronger patterns -- especially in Naming. I believe in the use of symbols in ritual; physical representations of thoughts and emotions provide a focus that strengthens the magic. I have used my thoughts, emotions, words, and ritual to affect the pattern of my life and seen amazing clusters of "coincidences" as a result.

critical analysis: accepting and/or dismissing nothing without careful examination for the assumed meaning and possible purpose. I believe every piece of knowledge must be reshaped in order to make it part of oneself; without this, one's mind is just a collection of other people's thoughts (it's the difference between building a structure from gifted materials, and just leaving the materials in a haphazard pile. The second is not very useful). I believe every person has something I can learn from them, and I believe in taking every opportunity to find those things.

mindful touch: touch that is full of awareness. I believe touch is sacred and find thoughtless touch to be upsetting most of the time; it feels like a desecration. I believe touch requires consent, always. I want to be touched by people who are aware of my desires, my reactions, my body, my boundaries. I do my best to touch people only in ways that please them (not just in ways that don't bother them); if in doubt, I will not touch.

asking: questioning instead of assuming or accepting or wondering. Asking for what I want; asking if I have interpreted correctly; asking why a pattern exists; asking myself how I can change a harmful pattern; asking to help others learn about themselves; increasing openness through invitations to share.

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communication fast -- making prayer runes

I'm really filled with love for you all right now ♥ I feel so blessed to have people like you in my life! Thinking about you makes me just shake my head and glow in wonder... All of you are my learnsharers, my teacher/students. I love learning with you! I'm so glad you're with me on my journey.

(now for the actual subject of my post!) For months I'd had a plan in the back of my mind for a spiritual creative project -- prayer runes -- but it never felt like the right time to actually make them. I spent quite a few hours on them each day of the fast (as they had to dry between times so that the paper wouldn't melt), and since then I've been using them in my meditation/prayer time.

I made them for the people who've had some kind of major positive impact on my life, regardless of whether or not we are currently in contact or on good terms. ((for instance, "Michael?" is someone whose last name I never knew, who was the first violet spirit I ever met -- I'd never felt such an instant or deep connection before zir, and ze opened my eyes to the possibility of so many things. Have you ever met a stranger with whom your eyes LOCKED, you could not tear your gaze away, and you felt COMFORTABLE with such an intimate thing even while talking?)) There are at least two more people whom I love very much and want to add -- but I wanted to keep this to people who I'd made a real-time connection with, otherwise I'd have made a ton more. But I do have hopes to make new runes as you become more of a part of my life.

The colors aren't perfect, as I was using markers and couldn't layer/mix colors (and some of them melted a bit), but they're pretty close for the most part, in real life. (in my photos they're a bit off) The center color is what I see the person's spirit as; the middle color is the heart; and the outer color is the soul. ((explanation of what I mean by those words))

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I keep the bag in my sanctuary, and when I go in to meditate I draw two runes, place them on my altar, and pray for those two people. Throughout the day I keep them in my mind, praying over them and sending them love. I also have a bowl of papers which have the names of all my flist (except a few who I don't feel like I know well enough yet) and I draw eight of those and pray over them as well (but don't keep them in my mind because I think I'd forget some if I tried to keep that many at a time).

So far this has been a wonderful motivation for me to meditate, because I feel like the universe can tell me who most needs some divine attention (or just love from me) and then I can act on that ♥ (and! they're so pretty, I just love looking at them! glass+glitter+color = love) I love how they each feel so true to me; like a little connection to you.

my beliefs on the parts of a person -- spirit, heart, soul, mind, and body

DISCLAIMER: this is my view. These are my beliefs. They are not based on any religion, though religions have planted seeds that sprouted into these beliefs. They cannot be 'right' or 'wrong' and I will not tolerate any such claims. Feel free to share how your beliefs differ or are the same, but approach with respect. (i.e.: "I think this" not "no, it is this way") This is an extremely sensitive and extremely intense part of my belief system, and careless words would be very hurtful.

spirit (ka) -- the way you connect to life source.
        This is your core self, perfect and unable to be broken, corrupted, or changed in any way, because it is literally a piece of life source within you. This is where all healing comes from. Our spirit is in constant communication with the source of life, but if our heart is closed we cannot sense our spirit, our soul, mind, and body cannot connect with it. Sometimes we need to connect with someone else in order to reach through our other layers and allow life force to flow fully through our being. Prayer, sex, and energy healing help with this (and probably other things I don't have words for). Everyone has a perfectly beautiful spirit, but sometimes it is deeply hidden under layers of pain and cannot be easily seen -- and sometimes people are very wounded in heart or soul and treat us terribly, but we can still see their spirit and so we still love them. (that can be extremely confusing, because often all others can see is the hurtful outside, while you see the spirit -- and it's really hard to recognise that sometimes despite that connection, it is not the right time to be close to that person)

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heart (ib) -- the way you connect to the world.
        This is where a person's spirituality is, how they emotionally understand their faith. This is like the iris of an eye -- it can change by opening up or closing, but otherwise stays the same. You can choose whether to open it or not, but if the soul is wounded the heart cannot shine through clearly even if it is open. It's the part of you that connects with the rest of creation -- people, animals, etc. It's where your own style of loving comes from.

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soul (ba) -- the way you interact with the world.
        I think this is where a person's personality (outward expression of self) is, how they approach challenges. This changes a lot as it matures. If it is wounded and not yet healed in a place, that place will be a dark spot where the heart and spirit cannot shine through.

When you have a strong soul connection with someone, Collapse )


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I see spirit as this one universal thing that all living beings are facets of (people, trees, animals, rocks, etc). Humans have additional non-physical parts; our individual hearts are wrapped around our spirit-facet, and then our soul is wrapped around that, and it is our soul that we bump into others with. I kinda see life source as this snakelocks anemone, and humans are special tentacles with two 'gloves' on, the heart and soul. We are unique in the same way each tentacle is unique, and we are all the same in the sense that we are all part of the same body, the universe. We are all extremely important because only by understanding fully every human and every living thing could one even begin to understand the universe. At our core, our spirit, we DO understand everything fully, and I believe that when we die, we will "know fully, even as [we are] fully known" because our wounds/blocks will be gone, and our spirits will be able to shine through us completely, even into our minds. I believe we can do this in a limited way now -- we call it intuition, when our spirits speak and our mind hears. "Intuition allows one to draw on that vast storehouse of unconscious knowledge that includes not only everything that one has experienced or learned, either consciously or subliminally, but also the infinite reservoir of the collective or universal unconscious." (Frances E. Vaughan) Or basically, our intuition is our connection to life source, which is all things and therefore omniscient, and when we tap into it we can know anything that is known.

I see the ethereal parts -- spirit, heart, soul -- as colors. People who have like colors to me have a connection to me. For instance, I see myself as having a vivid violet spirit, and I see Hannah with a lavender-violet spirit, so we have a strong spirit connection. I see my heart as spring green, and I see Aurilion with a minty-teal heart, so we have a very strong heart connection. I see my soul as bright scarlet, and I see Kat with an intensely red soul also, so we have a strong soul connection. Colors are the best way for me to understand these connections, because they don't fit into words, but you can get the gist of them by reading my description of the types of connections. (I also have ethereal connections with others, but I'm not going to list them all now because I want to make that into its own post)

thanks to Nick, Hannah, and Ava for inspiring me to FINALLY get this written.

dream (gift of a pen which creates magic in swirly multidimensional rainbows -- brings fae to life)

Someone (don't know who) sent me a package (to a house where I apparently lived with my mom and lil sis). Inside was a pen which wrote beautifully in rainbow colors, one color flowing at a time. I wrote my name (but I can't remember what it was) and kept on making swirls, fascinated. Then I noticed that each color wasn't just a flat wash of ink -- it was tiny shapes of flowers and vines and other plants. I realized this pen dispensed magic, and I began to put the ink on everything (it was able to spray) -- after I realized it was magic the ink began to flow glitter also. There were little faery figurines laying around (I think I had a huge collection of them) and as I sprayed the magic ink on them they came 'back' alive -- apparently they had been spelled into plastic and pewter. I ran outside and began spraying everything -- plants sprouted blossoms of all kinds of bright colors, things shot to life, everything was saturated in swirly living color and glitter. I started to think it would run out, but then I thought to myself that when it did, the magic would still be in the world, so I continued to spray everything with wild abandon, though I sprayed the faeries lightly instead of saturating them, so that I could make sure each faery came alive.

art by kelbv on deviantart

there is really nothing that can compare to the beauty of that dream... imagine this
as vivid glowing light, dancing in the air, becoming the skin of delighted faeries and vibrant plants,
flowing into water, living and breathing in multidimensional shapes and continuously flowing color,
each tiniest speck of color being alive...

I don't know who all was sending me magic, but DAMN. You did a good job! Every time I think of that dream it uplifts me. (special thanks to Ava, Kevloid, and Spydie whom I know sent magic ♥ (and an ice cream llama, but I'm not so sure about that))

The phone rang and woke me, so I didn't get to find out if the pen did in fact run out. I'll choose to believe that it wouldn't.

selfportraits: rainbowarrior photos & CocoRosie song

A few weeks ago I was at Ben's fam's house for his/elya's birthday party, and after the festivities died down I happened to go in the garage for something and saw RAINBOWS from the glass in the garage windows -- so I took a million photos. I cannot resist rainbows -- they are still magic to me. *love sparkle glitter beauty* and also, queer pride yes! :D I need to make myself some rainbow jewelry.

The song doesn't really have to do with the photos, artistically, but it just seemed to fit so I used the lyrics as captions. ;-)

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of all the white horses...
In these times of evil spirits
Of material thugs and mischief
Fear Saint Noni's wisdom
And his love for rainbow spirits
Jealous of their faithful heart-bond
And their dancing and their laughing
Made at last a league against them
To molest them and destroy them
Saint Noni wise and heart-strong
Often said to Rainbowarrior
"O my brother do not leave me!
Lest the evil spirits harm you!"

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if you don't fill this out I will know and zap you with lasers.

cause sidheblessed did it... and my old similar poll is waaaaay outdated.

Poll #825726 things that say a lot about you....

what is your myers-briggs personality type?

what's your favorite color? be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald.

favorite musical group(s)?

favorite musical genre?

favorite number/letter?

favorite actress/actor?

favorite type of food? (i.e. mexican, italian, japanese)

favorite movie?

favorite book?

favorite animal?

if you don't know what your myers-briggs type is, click here and take the test.

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